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Jemi wanted to join Irene in heaving. He stood and confronted Sherv. Rusp was also staring at their clan leader, his careful control telling Jemi how upset he was.
“You had Ezrob make it seem like we clanned her,” Jemi said. “You didn’t tell her. You didn’t ask her permission.”
“It’s all I could think to do to protect her when I knew Nil was coming. Kalquor would have compelled her to clan men she doesn’t love and who don’t love her.” Sherv’s shoulders were hunched. He looked at the floor.
“How is this different from what the empire wanted to do?” Rusp demanded.
“Because I wouldn’t have kept her! She wouldn’t have been forced to be our Matara. I had every intention of letting her leave.” Sherv’s fists clenched. He walked away from the bathroom door to the opposite end of the room. “I never meant for her to be kept from her parents. You know that.”
“But you wanted to clan her,” Jemi said. “You wanted to keep her. You can’t tell me you didn’t hope she’d agree.”
“Of course I wish she could stay. You want her too.”
“Not like this. Only if she wants us as much as we want her.”
“This is wrong.” Rusp paced. “How can we fix this? You did this, Sherv. Fix it!”
“You heard what those people said in their message. She was doomed from the moment we flew off with her. If we’d found a place to hide her on the station until Nil was gone, if she’d shown up telling a plausible story, maybe she could have gone home. But we took her to Rexadux because there was no other escape. Or was there?” Sherv was as wretched as Jemi had ever seen him, and a pang of sympathy for his Dramok woke.
Rusp softened too. “I don’t suppose there was. If we’d run anywhere but the ship, they would have followed us. Flying off was the only answer.”
“Now she’s stuck with us. Clanning records are publicly listed in the empire. Earth could easily learn she’s clanned. I’d hoped it would get past them if they had no reason to suspect, but…” Sherv shook his head. “She’ll never forgive me, will she?”
Jemi had no answer for him.
* * * *
Irene washed her face after being sick. She felt shaky. Sherv had clanned her. As far as Kalquor and Earth were concerned, she belonged to him, Rusp, and Jemi.
I can’t go home.Her parents swam in her mind’s eye, and she feared she’d be sick again. She steadied herself as best she could by breathing deeply.
She understood Sherv had done it out of concern for her. He’d panicked when he’d discovered Nil breathing down their necks. Truth be told, she couldn’t think of how they might have avoided the present circumstances. If he hadn’t convinced Rusp’s father to help him counterfeit the clanship, the guys would have been tossed in the brig and she’d be on her way to live with strangers as their breeding stock.
It failed to ease the grief sweeping through her or the continued sick and woozy feelings. First, Earth’s government had stolen her from her parents. Now Kalquor had erased them from her life.
She sobbed, her fists balled against her eyes. Her world was destroyed.
As the initial storm passed, her stomach stopped clenching. Her surroundings gained better clarity. She’d been in the bathroom a long while, but the smell of sick hadn’t quite dispersed. Though Jemi and Rusp held no blame for what had happened and she could forgive Sherv, she wasn’t ready to remain in the same room with them.
She washed her face again, letting cool water soothe some of the redness and swelling from her cheeks and nose. When she had as much composure as she could muster, she unlocked the door and stepped through.
The three men were huddled in a knot, and they gazed at her. Fear sat on their expressions; even Rusp wore a terrified look.
How can I want to comfort you and strangle you at once?It would have been funny under different circumstances.
She went to the door and rapped. It opened a second later. “I need some air. I want to go for a walk,” she told the uniformed man who stood there. She looked straight at him but his features left no impression. His face might as well have been a blank.
“Yes, Matara. I’ll accompany you.” He stepped back to let her pass.
She glanced at Rusp and Jemi. Sherv. “I’ll be back. I just need to…”
She left, unable to finish. The words wouldn’t come.
Irene wandered aimlessly, the nameless guard silent on her heels. He was so quiet, she checked periodically to make sure he was there. They silently trod beige-carpeted floors, passed endless gray walls dotted with computer stations. Irene noticed little, but there wasn’t much to look at.
She was glad her companion didn’t try to make small talk or direct her to any particular place. They passed a few other men, also in uniform. Several slowed and gawked at her, but no one spoke.
There was a corridor in which most doors had guards posted outside them. Irene paused at the junction where her hall crossed it. “What’s down there?”
