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He sighed, pulling her into his chest and gently rubbing her back. At first, he’d been angry, but then he’d seen the fear in her eyes. Fear of him and his reaction and it had broken his heart. This wasn’t what he’d expected but she didn’t deserve to be mistreated for something that was just as much his fault.
“No one is angry with you.”
She hid her face in his chest. Gently picking her up, he cradled her in his lap and soothed her with loving strokes. This was just as much of a shock for her as it was for him.
“I didn’t want to tell you, you know? I was afraid.”
“You never have to be afraid of me. I’ll never hurt you.”
He leaned down and gently kissed her hair. He could scent her tears running down her cheeks, but she hid her face from him. His heart ached as he took in her words. She’d struggled alone for days with the news of her pregnancy, afraid of him and his reaction. He pulled her even closer and soothed her until her tears ceased. He waited until she’d fallen asleep before carrying her to bed and gently tucking her in the covers.
He, however, couldn’t sleep. His thoughts were still all over the place. He’d never seen himself as a father. He’d always thought of himself as never having children. Not because he hated children, but because he never wanted to risk having a son. After realizing what it meant to be the second son to an alpha, Blake had never wanted anyone else to go through the pain he was experiencing.
Knowing he would become a father, he prayed to Selene that she would give him a daughter. He hoped Selene would see the torture he had to endure and never make him see his child go through the same pain. It had been hard on him, especially in his first years as a wolf. Even though his family had always tried to help him, he’d always felt like his life was nothing but pain and sacrifice.
After meeting Niev, he’d hoped to have somewhat of a normal future. Being with her had taken some of his pain away. Even now with everything happening he felt some kind of ease. Of course, her pregnancy had added more worry to his life, but his soul felt somewhat calmer than before.
He walked out on the porch and sat down, listening to the occasional wolf sing to the moon. He wanted to join them, let his wolf out and go for a run. When in his wolf form he was no longer a man, and his animal instincts took over. Not only his body, but his mind too. Complex problems were no longer of importance. All a wolf cared about was survival.
As tempting as it was to forget all his problems for a while, he couldn’t leave–nor did he want to. He was afraid Niev would wake up to an empty house, and he didn’t want to scare her like that.
To his right, he heard some branches break and saw Seth come out of the woods. He looked calmer than earlier, his anger seeming to have vanished. Blake watched him as he came closer and sat down next to him.
“Will you forgive me?”
Seth didn’t have to specify what he was talking about. Although Blake could see the regret on his brother’s face, he just couldn’t forgive him. He understood Seth’s reasons for forcing his will on him, but that didn’t make it okay. It had been pure torture to be forced to submit, and it had taken all his strength not to turn his back on Niev. Seth had overstepped, and Blake would never be able to forget it.
Seth must have suspected his thought process. “I know what I did to you is unforgivable and I just want you to know that I regret it. I wish I could go back in time and change my actions.”
Blake nodded, unable to respond.
“How is she holding up?”
“She’s exhausted, even though she would never admit it.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t run away screaming.” Seth tried to laugh but it seemed forced.
“She’s much stronger than you think.”
“Has she made her decision yet?”
“She thinks she has but I don’t think she’s ready to make one yet. I want her to take her time. Whatever she decides will change her life completely and that isn’t a decision one should make lightly.”
“I want you to know that everyone would prefer for you to stay.”
“I’ll do whatever she wants.” Blake took a deep breath because he knew that his next words were risky and might even be a little daring. “It also depends on the gender of the child.”
“There is a very low chance it’s a boy.” Seth had a very confident tone, but Blake could see a little bit of uncertainty flash in his eyes.
“I understand that, yet you and father both had a son first and I’m afraid it runs in the family. Niev and I need to decide based on what is best for us. If we opt to stay, I’ll need to teach him how to be a submissive alpha, something you’ll never understand.” Blake knew his words would cut deep but he needed Seth to understand how big of a decision was to be made. “I’ll need to prepare him for the daily torture he will endure.”
Seth seemed uncomfortable. He knew what Blake went through on a day-to-day basis, but he would never fully understand. They’d never openly talked about it. Blake had never explained to Seth how torturous it actually was to be submissive. It wasn’t Seth’s burden to carry. His only concern was to keep the pack safe and healthy and that was what his mind should be focused on.
“I understand.” He got up, but before he walked off he looked down on his little brother. He tried to smile, letting his next words seem light and funny, but failed terribly. “Lyliann would like to meet Niev. She wants to invite her over, you know, just the women. I think she’ll tell her all your embarrassing stories.”
Blake looked up to his brother and nodded. “I’m sure Niev would enjoy that.”
As soon as Seth had disappeared behind the tree line Blake heard bones crack and skin tear and knew Seth had shifted. As children they’d been best friends but since Blake’s consecration–his first time shifting into a wolf–they had drifted apart severely. Shifting for the first time was a painful and confusing experience for every wolf, but for Blake it had been the worst night of his life.
