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She nodded as tears filled her eyes. “They are perfect.”
Christa let Niev listen until Mayra came closer and handed her an overflowing plate. Niev gratefully took it and cleared the plate before asking for another. Blake didn’t move from her side, one arm wrapped around her while eating with the other.When she was about to burst, she leaned closer to him and took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the question ahead.
“Blake, who was the wolf that died? The one protecting me?”
She saw Christa tense up and Mayra’s eyes flooded with tears. Niev dreaded the question. She hadn’t wanted to know for sure, but she couldn’t disrespect his sacrifice by not knowing who he was.
“It was Kai,” Blake’s voice broke before he could say another word.
Niev’s grief instantly intensified. Her heart started to ache and only hurt more when Blake’s pain mixed with hers. Tears rolled down her face as the reality of his words hit her. Kai had become dear to her heart with his kindness and his warm, cheerful soul. He’d spent many hours in her house helping her and Blake to move in before their ceremony.
It seemed surreal and most of all unfair for him to no longer be with them. She would never see his big smile come through the front door again. Her heart burst into a thousand grieving pieces as she realized his death was her fault. If she hadn’t gone out there all by herself, Kai would still be alive. It wasn’t just Kai’s death that weighed on her heart, but Julius’s as well.
“It’s my fault,” she sobbed.
Blake tried to pull her closer, but she was too upset and angry with herself to let him calm her. She pulled away from him, feeling undeserving of his comfort.
“Niev,” he tried to soothe her. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is.” Her voice became louder with each word that came from her mouth. “I should’ve never gone out there. I should’ve stayed here like a good woman and waited for my husband to come with me. I should have never been out there!” Her voice now a high-pitched, hysteric scream.
“Niev, you didn’t know. No one knew what would happen.”
She jumped up. “They’re dead because of me.”
He reached for her hand, but she slapped it away in rage. He sighed and pulled back.
“This didn’t happen because of you or your actions. No one believes it’s your fault.”
“I watched them die and didn’t do anything.” Her anger only rose within her as the pictures of their blood drenched bodies swept through her mind. “I did nothing to save them, nothing to help them.”
“You couldn’t do anything. Kai shared his mind with another wolf, and we were able to see everything. I know for sure that there was nothing you could’ve done.”
She stepped back, her guilt over what she’d let happen blinding her from the truth. Blake reached for her again, but she wasn’t deserving of his touch, stepping even further away.
“You can’t make this go away. Nothing you say will change the fact that they’re gone because of my stupidity.”
She twirled around and rushed down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Her heart raced inside her chest, pumping guilt through her veins like venom. She leaned against the door and slid down to the floor. With hot tears running down her cheeks, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her head on her knees and sobbed.
She heard Blake’s strong footsteps approach and heard him knock on the door, but she couldn’t answer. How did she deserve to be consoled after what she’d done to Kai? And to Julius? Their families were grieving their loss and she deserved to feel just as much pain.
Blake spoke in quiet words, his voice slightly muffled through the wood door. His words were soothing, but she couldn’t quite comprehend them.
Her exhaustion and roller coaster of emotions slowly pulled her into a rough, wild dream world in which her dark emotions only intensified.
At some point, she felt warm, strong hands push between her and the floor. She was rolled into a broad chest and carried to bed. Blake’s touch was comforting, yet she wasn’t ready to be soothed out of her misery. She wasn’t worthy of peace, so she rolled away from his touch and curled up into a fetal position, letting her pain take over and dragging her back into her cold, dark sleep.
It took her two days and two nights to be able to get out of bed and think clearly again. Blake gave her the space she needed without leaving her. He’d come check on her from time to time and even though she hadn’t allowed him to touch her he’d sat on the bed next to her. Him just being there for her had helped her slowly clear her mind.
She took a deep breath before walking down the hallway and into the living space where Blake was standing in the kitchen. He was only wearing a pair of shorts, leaving his top half bare. As he turned his torso to face her, his muscles danced and tensed up under his skin.
He smiled as their eyes met. “Would you like to have some breakfast?”
She nodded and closed the distance between them. Hesitantly, she reached for him, laying her hands on his waist, her head on his spine. His skin warmed her cheek, and she wrapped her arms around him. She took slow, deep breaths, inhaling his beautiful woodsy scent and soaking up all the love and affection that was flooding into her heart.
He’d been worried–she’d been able to feel it the past two days and now that she was allowing his touch, he slowly relaxed. He carefully turned around and laid his arms gently around her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. She heard his heart slightly speed up and could feel anxiety within him.
“Niev,” he said softly, as if he was afraid to scare her away. “Kai and Julius will be laid to rest this afternoon. I should’ve told you earlier, but I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”
