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I nearly sag under his hold. God, he’s heavy. “I told you I would.”
“Right. To help Knox out.” He’s sneering. It’s not a good look on him. “Such a good sister.”
“I’m not doing this for Knox.” I open the door and shove him inside, pleased when he falls into the seat with a startled expression on his face. Like he can’t believe I just pushed him around. “I’m doing this for you.”
I slam the door before he can say anything and take my time walking around the car, inhaling deeply with every step. I get a tiny thrill out of him acting so territorial over me, but it’s also irritating. He’s just drunk. Sloppy. Emotional. But it’s also…
Kind of awful.
Finally, I’m in the car and starting the engine, not saying a word. He remains quiet as well, staring out the passenger side window once I start to drive. We don’t speak at all, the tension growing between us so thick that by the time I pull into the parking lot of his apartment, I’m ready to scream.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs after I put my car into park.
I stare at the back of his head because he’s still looking out the window. As if he can’t face me. “For what?”
“For all of it. The whole night.” He turns to look at me and I see the remorse written all over his handsome face. “It was a shit day and I turned it into a shit night and…I’m sorry.”
I get this sense that Camden Fields doesn’t apologize for much. Not because he doesn’t want to or has a hard time saying the words, but because he’s the type of guy who just does things and doesn’t have to answer to anyone. He keeps his circle extremely tight. And somehow…
I wormed my way in. Just like I hoped.
“I drank too much and I rarely do that. Not anymore.” He inhales deeply, averting his gaze, so he can stare out the windshield this time around. “I was pissed when I saw you with Ace.”
“I don’t like Ace like that.”
“I was mad at Knox too.”
“Why?”
“Because he can do whatever he wants with Joanna and doesn’t have to worry about someone else finding out and losing their shit over it.” He sounds miserable and my heart aches for him.
For me too.
When I say nothing—because what can I say to that?—Cam continues talking.
“Derek can be with whomever he wants. Everyone can. And I can’t.” He bangs the back of his head against his seat, closing his eyes. “I don’t like how I feel when I drink.”
“And how do you feel?”
“Like I’ve lost control. Like I’m marinating in my feelings and it’s freaking me out.” He turns his head, cracking his eyes open to look at me. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Cam—”
“I don’t. I’ve told you this before and I’m realizing it right now. All over again. Especially with everything that’s happened. You’re like…fucking perfect for me and I’m not for you. I’m far from it. All I’ll do is break your heart. You know what scares me?”
“What scares you?” I ask gently, trying to keep up with him changing the subject.
“That I’ll turn into the same piece of shit my dad is. He’s a drunk. An alcoholic who cares about no one else but himself. That’s going to be me.” He jerks his thumb at his chest, tapping it right in the center. “I’m afraid I’m going to turn into him and it fucking sucks.”
“You won’t.” I give in and reach out to thread my fingers in his hair at his temple, wanting to soothe him. He doesn’t react. He doesn’t even flinch. “You’re not like him. You’re kind and you’re good. You’re a great leader. Your team adores you.”
“Not today.” He presses his head against the seat and I feel like I’m witnessing the real Camden. The man who feels the weight of so much responsibility on his shoulders, and who struggles with it. Struggles with himself. He’s not as cocky as my brother is, not really. It’s a quiet confidence that radiates from Cam, but that’s not happening today.
Today he’s feeling less than, and that hurts my heart.
“Hey.” He turns at my whisper, his brows drawing together. “You never gave me that massage.”
Realization dawns and he shakes his head. “Are you trying to collect now?”
