Page 122 of Playing By The Rules

I make a face, staring at the contents of my bowl. This is a beautiful salad, full of all of my favorite things and I start gathering a few items with the fork. Lettuce, cucumber, a crouton. “We should Door Dash some vodka and orange juice.”

“God, no. Alcohol is not going to solve your problems, Blair.”

“I know,” I say morosely, chewing for a while. Lost in thought.

Cheyenne remains quiet as well, both of us eating for a few minutes until she finally says, “Is he worth it?”

I pause in my eating, staring at her. “Who?”

“Him. Cam. Is he worth your sadness while you wait for him? What if he never comes back around?”

The possibility is there. The longer he takes, the worse I feel. I’m wasting my time. I’m being such a wimp right now. A doormat. The type of woman who will sacrifice everything for a man who gives her nothing. That’s the worst.

If I told my mom this, she would be so mad at me. So disappointed. And the last thing I want to do is disappoint someone.

Truthfully? All I’m doing is disappointing myself.

“Then I guess I move on.” I shrug and resume eating.

“I figure that’s what you’re doing right now. Moving on.”

“Am I?”

“I don’t want to sound mean, but you probably should.” Cheyenne’s gaze is full of sympathy. “Don’t wait for him forever.”

“I’m not.” I mean, I am, but I’m also busy with school. The semester is almost over and finals are coming up. We only just got through Thanksgiving and now the holiday season is upon us. Christmas decorations are up everywhere and holiday music is playing in just about every store I enter lately, but I’m not feeling it.

This is my favorite time of year and I can’t even enjoy it.

I’m halfway finished with my salad when my phone dings with a text notification. I check to see who it’s from, surprised to find it’s Knox, asking me where I’m at.

Me:Home.

Knox:Why are you at home?

Me:Where else would I be?

Knox:Come hang out. We just got to that pizza place across from the library.

They have the best pizza there.

Me:I don’t want to.

Knox:Why not? You’ve become really boring lately. You never want to do anything.

I don’t want to do anything if it involves his best friend.

Knox:Just come out and hang tonight. It’ll be fun. I miss you.

Me:You’re full of shit. Who put you up to this?

My heart is hammering so hard against my ribs, I swear it’s going to burst out of my chest.

Knox:Fine, Joanna asked about you. She wants you here. She misses you.

I call him, tired of texting. I just want to finish my salad in peace.

He answers immediately.

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