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Her words stick with me long after we end the call. Am I miserable like my father? I’m not a drunk, I know that. I like to go out and party like anyone else, but I don’t feel the need to get constantly shit-faced.
I keep women at arm’s length, so I don’t get too close to them. A relationship is the last thing I want or need. I have to get out of college first. Get myself established doing…something. If it’s the NFL, then let’s fucking go.
But what if it’s not? The potential is definitely there for my dreams to not come true. I might not go pro and I have no idea what to do with myself if I don’t.
Glancing up, I catch sight of a blonde woman heading my way. From the shape of her body and even the shape of her face, I know immediately that it’s Blair.
Fuck.
She doesn’t even slow down in her approach. Just marches her way toward the table and settles onto the bench across from me. I don’t say a word in greeting, just watch her watch me and she shakes her head, a little laugh escaping her.
“You’re so weird.”
I’m frowning so hard my forehead hurts. “What the hell are you talking about now?”
Her laughter stops. “Why did you leave earlier?”
“Leave where?”
“Stop being obtuse.” She leans across the table, the neckline of her T-shirt slipping, offering me a glimpse of her chest. Oh, fuck me, I can see that she’s wearing a black lace bra. “When I came over to your table earlier in the quad and you bolted out of there like you saw a crazed groupie.”
“Maybe I did.” I shrug, hating how nervous she makes me feel.
Like I’m going to screw something up or say the wrong thing. She has me walking on eggshells, pretty much every time I’m around her, and I don’t get it.
“Cam.” Her smile is small, her shirt slipping off her shoulder, so I can now see the black bra strap. “You’re definitely afraid of me.”
“Not at all.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” She sits up straight, all views of her bra disappearing. “Can’t we be friends?”
It’s my turn to bark out a laugh. “Friends? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Her frown is deep. “You don’t like me?”
“Like you?Like you?” I’m repeating myself, but I don’t give a damn. “That is definitely not the problem.”
“What is it then?”
I grab my backpack and climb off the bench, ready to hightail my ass out of there, but Blair is just as fast, right on my heels, never letting up on me.
“You run every time I get near you, and I don’t get it. Am I a hideous troll? Can you barely stand looking at me?”
I snort, shaking my head. She has to know that isn’t the problem.
“You hate me? Do I smell?”
She smells fucking amazing. Good enough that I even looked up the damn perfume she wears online, just to see what the bottle looked like.
What’s wrong with me? Why would I do that?
“What is it, Cam? If all you can say is that you don’t want to make Knox mad, that’s not a good enough reason.”
I come to a sudden stop and turn on her, forcing her to stop as well, her eyes wide with shock. I practically thrust my face in hers, letting her see just how angry and frustrated I am with her. With myself. “It’s a good enough reason for me, Blair. Your brother is my best friend. I live with him, we play together, we spend a lot of time together, and he’s told me before he trusts no one he knows to treat his little sister right. Which means he doesn’t even trust me. I can’t mess around with his little sister when he told me I can’t. And because I know I would fuck it up—I totally will. Trust me. I will fuck everything up between us and you’ll end up hating me, and that’s the last thing I want, is you hating me. Your opinion of me matters, Blair, and I don’t want to ruin it. I’m shit when it comes to this stuff. Relationship stuff. My parents were all fucked up, and I witnessed their mess my entire life. They weren’t a good example of what a loving, respectful relationship is, and they’re all I know. Which really means I don’t know shit.”
I’m breathing hard, surprised that I’d said so much, and she’s staring up at me like I’ve lost my damn mind, which I sort of feel like I have.
Taking a step back, I thrust my fingers in my hair, pushing it away from my face before I clasp the back of my head with both hands. My heart is racing and I swallow hard, pissed at myself for saying too much.
