AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You said it yourself that you’re still alive,” I said. “Plus, as much as I get that regret… you can’t go back. You’re here, and you obviously have a new purpose.”
“I’m failing.” He let out a few more sniffling sounds. Then, he added, “I want to go back. And… fucking find you, Jemma. Be here for you the way I should’ve been.” He sobbed more loudly.
“You really think you’re failing? Because… I don’t.” I kissed his forehead. “Not anymore.”
His shaking calmed, glistening eyes studying me curiously. A few tears broke free, trailing along his cheekbones in a smooth, thick line.
The thing was, I still didn’t think I had anything left worth saving.
But I did have someone worth living for. Even if he was a spirit who now resided in another dimension. Even if trying again meant losing him. I didn’t know how to move forward, out of the funk I had been in for more than half of my life.
I knew I had to somehow get past this.
Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself at all if I didn’t get Jamie out of his hellish condition.
“You’re here now. For however long,” I said. “And you know what? I want you to save me. But I also want to save you, too.”
He let out another sigh. “What if it’s not in me to save anyone?”
“Then… I guess you’ll be here with me forever.” I nudged him playfully, knowing very well this wasn’t an option. “At least there’ll be a table for two in hell.”
Jamie laughed through his tears. “No, Jems. What you saw back there with the house? I would never want you to go through that ever again. I wasnotexpecting that to happen.”
“Which is what exactly? Youralmosthome has burned down. Does that mean you can’t ever go back?”
“No. My almost home will continue to reform… and then burn all over again. Right along with my unsettled emotions.”
“Until you save me.”
“Right,” he said. “Then I can go on my way, back up to the sky. Depart from this place for good. Build a home which never crashes down.”
I smirked, though a more profound sadness struck me at the idea of his permanent departure. I tried to read him, to determine whether or not that was something he wanted, but I couldn’t tell. Just like the entire time we dated, I could barely read this mysterious man.
At least now I understood how we were connected. Why he would insist on coming back to see me.
The universe was making him. Like I was some charity case.
“You need to do a good deed to make up for killing yourself?” I asked. “Is that how it works?”
“Something like that,” he said. “Except… you’re not a charity case. Not by any means.”
“Okay.” I brushed a hand through his blond hair, the strands so soft and real. “So, then, what? If I stop being so resistant to you… and let you help me. You never go through that back there ever again?”
“Yeah. Exactly.” Slight trembles escaped his body, though he’d considerably calmed down from even a few minutes ago. “I really didn’t mean for you to see that. Usually, I’m okay. I thought I’d be okay.”
“You’re not okay, Jamie,” I said. “Neither of us are okay. And I don’t know what to do to fix any of this. But I do know something…”
“What’s that?”
“We can sit here… doing absolutely nothing… or we can get to the fixing me part. So that you can get on your way.” The monotonous words exited my mouth like stomach acid, leaving my throat with a putrid taste.
“So that I can get on my way,” he repeated. Same tone as me and all.
I stood, bringing him up with me, as I continued. “You said you were going to cook for me, Jamie. I’m guessing that’s part of the ‘Save Jemma’ plan? So, come on. I want to see how you do this.”
Chapter Forty-Four
Paxil
