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I scale the outside of the building to the roof before jumping over several others. I almost lost control. I could have hurt him.
Slumping onto my ass, I lean against a brick column, trying to calm down. How could I let him see me in that state, knowing my fangs were out? The sound of his blood rushing through his veins was too much. I wanted to bite him, indulge in his taste. Instead, I ran like a coward.
The man of my dreams just made me come and I ran.
It takes me hours of roaming the city before I have enough courage to go home. When I enter the apartment, it’s quiet. The kitchen is clean. I pause, looking at the blown-out candles on the dining room table, a reminder of just how amazing Eli is.
I find him sitting in front of the windows in the living room, gazing outside as kittens crawl all around him, using his body like a jungle gym.
“Eli.”
He turns his head then looks away from me, continuing to gaze outside. “I’m sorry, Michel. I obviously forced myself on you. It won’t happen again.”
“What? No.” I approach, sitting next to him. “I owe you an apology. A huge one. I panicked.”
“It’s okay if you’re not into this with me. You have a lot on your plate and a relationship is probably low on your list.”
“Eli. Please stop putting words in my mouth.”
He nods, but doesn’t look at me. His jaw is clenched, his eyes sad. I have to fix it. I decided on my way back, I would tell a portion of the truth. There’s no way I can come clean completely, but I refuse to take advantage of his trust without him knowing everything about the real me.
“Eli, please look at me.”
With a deep exhale, he does. “Yes?”
“I panicked for two reasons. First, you were my first crush. The first guy I ever wanted to do things with. I used to fantasize about you coming to me and kissing me. Touching me.”
His expression softens. “Michel…”
“I thought you were straight, so it was a ridiculous fantasy, but that didn’t stop me from wanting it. You were the only person in my life who saw deeper than my exterior. You saw me for me, and I needed that so much. More than you’ll ever know.”
He squeezes my hand, nodding.
“So what happened between us was literally mind blowing. It was like having the only dream out of your grasp suddenly falling into your lap. That was a lot to process.”
“Oh.”
“So yeah, I’m into you, Eli. I’ve never been into anyone else. I just need to take things a little slower because…” I close my eyes, exhaling slowly. “Because of the second reason I freaked out.”
“You can tell me anything, Michel.”
“I know.” I open my eyes, focusing on the same eyes I spent my teen years gazing into. “I’m, um, I’m a virgin.”
Eli blinks rapidly. “Oh.” He nods. “I… oh.” Then his brow furrows. “I’m sorry. I just dove right into it, didn’t I?”
“I’m pretty sure I initiated the kiss. I wanted it, trust me. It was welcome, but up against a kitchen island isn’t worthy of you. Of us. I want everything, Eli. I want romantic dinners like this, and lazy mornings. I want you to know everything about me. I just hope once you do, you’ll still want to explore with me.”
“You should know you don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always accept all the parts of you. Hell, if I had been braver in high school, that kiss would’ve happened a lot sooner.”
“It was worth waiting for.”
He smiles. “I agree. It was amazing.”
“Can you forgive me for running out? I feel like such an ass.”
“You’re forgiven. I’m more than willing to take it slow. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man, and it’s important to me that we never jeopardize our friendship. That comes first.”
“I agree.”
