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Apparently, his emotions couldn’t make up their minds on how they wanted him to process all of it.
Huffing slightly, he made it to the front door and debated about calling the rental company to transfer him to somewhere else that didn’t have his heart beating out of his chest every time he wanted to get to the front door. The house opened with a code that he messed up twice before it finally blinked green, and the moment he stepped inside, he wanted to vomit again.
He’d completely forgotten to cancel the honeymoon package, which had come with champagne and strawberries and a lush bouquet of white roses.
They sat on the marble kitchen counter, perfectly preserved with faintly pink tips to show how fresh they were. He had an urge to pick them up and hurl them down the steps. If anything, the shattering vase would be very satisfying.
Instead, he dragged his suitcase past the kitchen and down the hall to the guest bedroom, because God only knew what the king suite was going to look like. Probably more flowers and towels shaped like swans kissing gently against the pillows.
His stomach couldn’t take it.
Luckily, the guest room wasn’t anything to sniff at. It was nicer than the one he had in his penthouse, with a king-sized bed that was close to the ground and an en suite with a walk-in shower that wouldn’t have him braining himself trying to climb over the edge of a tub. It also smelled floral but not as cloying as the front room, so he dropped onto the top of the bed, rolling over to face the ceiling, and covered his face with his hands.
His body felt weak—the way it had when he was a teen and stuck in PT for hours and hours every week. He wondered if this was what it felt like in the aftermath of a marathon, except without the surge of victory in his chest for finishing it.
Victor was pretty damn sure he wasn’t feeling heartbreak because he wasn’t in pain. He was just…exhausted. His motivation had dwindled down to nothing, and he was avoiding any and all responsibility like the plague. God help him if he ever really fell for someone. If he was this bad now, he doubted he’d survive that crash.
After letting himself just lie there and breathe for a good half hour, Victor finally pushed himself up to sit. His legs thumped against the side of the bed, and he debated about taking off his orthotics, but he wasn’t ready to turn in for the night, and his crutches were still in his damn car.
Pulling out his phone, he scrolled through his itinerary and looked at each red x of things he’d canceled. Dinner at the most high-end restaurant in the city. Drinks at the rooftop bar that took him three months of emailing to get a reservation for. A personal shopper for Alice because he thought it would be nice for her to have something to put in her new closet now that she was—she was supposed to be—his new wife.
His stomach ached.
He had a car service booked for him tomorrow and a behind-the-scenes tour of the aquarium that he couldn’t bring himself to cancel. The aquarium had been for him, anyway. Alice likely would have strolled around with her nose buried in her phone, taking a couple of selfies with him to show off to her friends—and probably to Charlie as she planned their next liaison. Maybe the two of them would have laughed about what a pathetic nerd Victor was later.
He felt a punch of relief that she was no longer in his life.
Scrolling past that, he stared down at his plans for the VIP box at a hockey game that was supposed to be that night, because Alice had a thing for watching men fight on the ice. He hadn’t bothered canceling that because he didn’t think it would matter if the two of them didn’t show up.
The final item on the honeymoon list was a visit to the observatory for stargazing. There was supposed to be a meteor shower happening all week, and he thought…well. He thought it might be romantic.
God, she would have hated that too.
His face burned with shame, and he thought, ‘If a man gets humiliated in the woods and there’s no one around to see it, is he still humiliated?’
The answer was an unequivocal yes.
He rubbed at his cheeks before pushing to his feet, and just as he steadied his balance, his phone buzzed.
Unknown: This is Azure Cove Transport and Tour Services. Please press one to confirm your driver, two to cancel.
There was an address that followed, the service booked so he could park his car downtown and then let the hired driver get them where they needed to go. It seemed like a nice, solid plan that wouldn’t have pissed off Alice.
His finger hovered over the number two, but he hesitated.
Maybe he should show up to the hockey game. Maybe he should do everything he hadn’t canceled yet. After all, most of the stuff was for him anyway. She’d never given a shit, and now he knew why.
He tapped the number one and hit Send before he could change his mind. He deserved this—to do something for him and to give himself the chance to forget why this wasn’t really a loss after all. Losing someone who never loved him in the first place should only ever be his gain.
* * *
Victor had changed his mind six times before he headed down to his car. Considering that Emil was trying to play fucking Switzerland in this issue between him and Charlie, Victor had absolutely no allies to talk to, so he was forced to argue with his own brain, and that always led to disaster.
But in the end, he knew he couldn’t sit around the house and wallow, so he forced himself into the car and switched the GPS voice from a woman to a British man. The dulcet tones directed him toward downtown, and with the heavy traffic, he’d never been more glad that he’d decided on a driver to get him where he needed to go.
He grabbed his ticket at the booth and parked, snagging his travel disabled placard from the glove box and stuffing it into the inside pocket of his jacket before stepping out.
His cane and crutches were both in the back seat, but he only really needed them during bad spasm days, and he was feeling steady on his feet. His uneven gait would always draw attention, but it was a lot easier to deal with strangers when they thought he was drunk instead of disabled. At least then, they gave him space.
