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Oddly enough, it was his laidback acceptance that removed her embarrassment and had her making up her mind.
“Sounds good.”
He didn’t crawl into bed right away. Ruby watched with fascination as the man who often lurked in corners walked around his house with the ease of someone who had a routine on hand. He arranged his clothes. He drank multiple glasses of water. He went to the bathroom, where she heard the sound of brushing and the whir of something electric that James had probably acquired from Centro, the island of merchants.
When Maddox stepped out, he was clean-shaven and wearing a shirt that showed off muscles usually hidden. Her focus strayed to the flex as he rolled his shoulders as if ridding himself of the day’s tension. Then they switched to his hair, curling over his ears and covering most of his forehead. Her hands itched, wanting to trim it before she remembered that she had no magic to trim it with.
“Are you comfortable?” he asked, eyeing her rigid position.
“Yes,” she lied.
He didn’t contest it as he lay down on the space beside her and mirrored her position on her back. She kept her gaze on the ceiling.
“Cover?”
“No, thanks. Would you rather live somewhere dark?”
If her question caught him off-guard, his voice didn’t show it.
“I lived in a castle, which was dark all the time. It was the perfect place for vampires to jump you, so everyone was used to being on their toes.”
Translation: it was hell for his kind, who were discriminated against for not being a pure breed, and this was a welcome change.
“What about roaming freely and getting blood anytime you wanted it?”
“The keyword is want. I wanted it but didn’t need it. And I didn’t want it as frequently. My human side cancels out my hunger pangs for blood, and I can get my nutrients from regular food.”
“And what about those rare days of wanting?”
“I just fight it.”
“Oh.”
He didn’t sound bothered by it, but she was, understanding the feeling of not having access to one’s most basic instinct. She thought of her magic again until the helplessness swirled in her system.
“You can’t sleep, can you?”
“No,” was her swift reply. She rolled until she was facing him, abandoning the pretense of formality as curiosity took over. Up close, his face was a sight to behold, the angles sharper and dominated by those full lips and his straight nose. “Who did you leave to die?”
She regretted it as soon as it was out of her mouth and she saw his lips thinning. Then he relaxed.
“Hilda.” A pause. “She was a human servant in Ostrov Krov. She grew up there and rose to ranks under a good house, but she knew how to keep her head down.”
His voice grew soft, distant. She imagined the woman in her head, someone brave and determined—because that was the only way to survive on an island teeming with vampires.
“You were lovers?”
“She loved me and told me so a lot of times. Showed me, too. She always looked out for me, and I looked out for her. I loved her, too, but it always felt like it wasn’t the right time to say it with all the politics going on.” The next pause was heavier. “She was killed in the crossfire of those politics. The vampire ripped her to bits and drained her of blood, and I…”
Her hand reached out, gripping his wrist when his body quaked. She soothed his arm with an up-and-down motion, then clasped his hand when it opened.
“I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t there for her. I was too busy protecting someone else. I should have been there for her.”
She heard what he didn’t say: that he should have told Hilda what he had felt then instead of waiting. Now it was too late.
“It’s killing you inside, isn’t it? Even years later, you can’t just forget it.”
