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He laughed and kissed the top of my head.
A soft rain tapped the roof and the windows, adding to my sense of comfort. I’d started the process of leaving my job and former life, and I’d expected a low thread of terror. It didn’t happen. Concern, yes, because I didn’t consider myself a complete idiot, but no blatant fear. After the holidays, I’d be returning to complete my notice and tie up all loose ends.
“What about you?” I peeked up at him.
He took several moments to gather his thoughts. Noah had never been the type to spout off. He’d always been very measured with responses to questions. “I am very grateful to have the girl I’ve loved forever in my arms right now. I’m excited for a shot at a brighter future. But, despite everything, I’m still worried I might fail you somehow. Being in love doesn’t trump the fact that I’m … um … still dealing with a lot of my own shit.”
“You’re not going to fail me. I’ve become pretty good about taking care of myself, so you shouldn’t worry. As far as your own shit? Just let me know how I can help. I’ll do whatever I can to support you.” I pressed a kiss to his chest.
He laughed again, but this time there was no humor in it. “I think that might be a tall order, Klahanie. I feel a little like I deceived you, and I’m so sorry for that. When you got back, all I could think is I might have a second chance to make things right with you. Now that I’ve done it, at least, I think I’ve somehow managed to make up for my teenage idiocy, I can’t help but think I shouldn’t have. I should have left you alone. It would have been better, but I was being selfish.”
I shook my head before he’d even finished, my heart aching. “Don’t even go there. It’s not true. You have given me a gift, whether you know it or not. I’ve spent years building my independence, at least that’s how I spun it. Every time I’d come home, I couldn’t wait to leave again. I’d feel, I don’t know, pent up, restless. The whole world was calling, you know? It was way beyond a tiny island.”
“What changed?”
It was a good question, and I hesitated a moment to articulate my thoughts. “I … expected to stay just as long as Gram needed me. That was the plan. Make sure she was okay and back on her feet, and then go back to California to carry on as usual. But being back turned out to be less of a chore than I anticipated. Maybe I’ve just matured enough to appreciate the feel of community. Less the prison I thought it was as a kid, and more of an actual safe place. And I know you just derailed the conversation from yourself to me. Sneaky.”
He shrugged, but did allow a ghost of a smile.
“I’ve made my choice, Noah. I’m here, and I’m going to stay here.”
“What about seeing the world?”
“Still doing that, but I won’t be doing it alone anymore.” I braced myself up on one elbow to look him in the eyes. “I love you, Noah. I will stay by your side, no matter what. If I can help you in any way, I will.”
He stared back for several beats, before responding in a whisper. “I believe you.”
“You’d better.”
“You’ve never said that before.” A touch of wonder entered his voice.
“Said what?” Even as I asked, I understood. It was true. Even as emotionally insane teenagers, I’d never told him how I felt. I swallowed around a knot in my throat. “I’m sorry, Noah. I’ve always loved you. I guess I’ve just been verbally and emotionally stunted for a very long time.”
He stared at me, stunned, before his smile touched every inch of his handsome face. “It’s very nice to hear.”
“I love you, Noah.” I repeated it, enjoying the feel of the words. The truth reverberated through my entire being. I’d been gone for years, but now knew it had been necessary to arrive at this moment.
“I will never tire of hearing it.”
“Now, let me show you just how much.” I smirked and reached under the covers to stroke him, just firm enough to ignite him. He groaned when I stretched to kiss the corner of his mouth, and hardened in moments, despite his earlier release. I took the moment to slide on top of him, and lean forward. My hair tunneled around his face, my lips finding his in new fiery passion. One more tiny adjustment and I pressed him inside me, achingly slow to tease. We gasped in unison when I began to ride him, my body firmly enshrouding his.
He pressed his hands to my hips in encouragement, and we moved together in synch, our breathing labored. I leaned forward to press my lips to his again, never tiring of his taste, and he cupped the back of my head to thoroughly kiss me back.
My peak came before I expected, and my breath stopped. Everything inside me clenched, held me over the precipice for a long moment, before exploding. Panting, I slumped forward and Noah arrived just after me. He kissed the side of my head before physically moving me next to him to cuddle close.
“Holy shit.” Noah commented, his voice rough. He laughed then, one full of lightness and wonder. “I guess you do love me.”
“And you better never forget it, buster.”
****
I awoke aware and uneasy just before dawn. Rain had dissipated, leaving a tense silence, punctuated only by the ebb and flow of low tide. The sound of the ocean always brought comfort, but in the moment, it felt ominous, like a sleeping dragon.
Noah wasn’t next to me.
I pushed the covers back, and gooseflesh paraded up and down my arms and legs at the chill. He used a woodstove for heating, but the fire had receded to embers and needed more fuel. Noah’s flannel lay closest to me, so I grabbed it and slipped inside. His scent rose around me and I tried to take comfort in it, but my uneasiness continued to nip at me.
Holding my breath, I padded beyond the bedroom and into the den, careful to avoid any creeks in the wooden floor. The atmosphere felt heavy with impending threat, and although it confused me, I trusted my instincts.
