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“Christian,” she says breathlessly. “I love you.”
My pace falters for a split second, but I don’t stop. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. I haven’t uttered those words to a woman in a very long time. I don’t take them lightly.
“Oh, God! I’m coming!”
Watching her fall apart is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The arch in her back. The slight sheen of sweat on her skin. Her blue eyes flutter. Lips part. Cheeks flush.
I push her back down and pump faster, rougher, until I come inside her. Even after I’m done, I want to stay right there. Want to hold her. Make promises I can’t possibly keep.
But does that mean love? There’s a huge difference in loving fucking someone and being in love with them. As screwed up as I am, I can’t tell the difference right now.
34
Taylor
Christian has barely spoken a word to me since I told him I loved him. After we fucked in the park, we went back to Savage Hell. We stayed at their clubhouse and even slept in the same bed together. It’s amazing how a person can be right there beside you but still not acknowledge your existence.
I didn’t plan to say it. Sure as hell didn’t want it to ruin things. I just need to know if he feels the same way or if this is only physical for him. So, I rushed him and probably messed up everything.
“Can we talk about last night?” I ask. He stares ahead as if the bottles of whiskey on the wall are fascinating. “Christian?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I said I loved you and I get it if that scared you.”
“It didn’t scare me.”
“Then, why are you acting like this?”
He stands up from the barstool. “Like what? What is it that you want from me, Taylor? You want me to declare my love for you? Well, I don’t work that way, and I don’t say shit that I don’t mean.”
With that, he walks over, joining the guys. I’m left to sit alone at the bar until Sloan and Allie come join me. The realization that another person I care about doesn’t give a shit about me. I thought Christian would be different. What we have between us is special. I suppose it’s only special to me.
“What’s up with you today?” Sloan asks. “Something’s bothering you.”
We’re still at the Huntsville clubhouse before heading back home. They cooked a big breakfast for us. As soon as everyone is finished eating, we’re getting on the road. I don’t want to elaborate too much because I’ll just get emotional. He doesn’t deserve to see me cry over him.
“I screwed up with Christian.”
Allie glances over. “I doubt that. He’s probably just stressed with everything we have going on.”
I laugh a little. “No, it was definitely me. I told him I loved him, and he didn’t say it back.”
“Was it in the heat of the moment?” Sloan asks, and I nod. “Oh, girl, don’t even sweat that. Just tell him you didn’t mean to say it.”
My eyes water with tears. “What if I did, though? He told me he doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean.”
Allie puts her arm around me. “Honey, we all know Munsey can be an idiot. He’ll come around. If you really do love him, you can’t give up. You’re going to have to fight for him, which is what I think you’ve been doing since you met him. Why give up now?”
“I have, but I need to know I’m worth the fight to him. I’ve been used my whole life. I don’t need that from him.”
I need more. I need everything. I’m not sure he’s willing to give me that.
35
Munsey
Apparently, I have this gift for keeping someone close while shutting them out at the same time. Taylor is on the back of my bike as we ride to Birmingham. I’m surprised she was willing to ride with me after what I said to her.
