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"Not sweet enough, Doc?" I ask him when Nolan offers to refill my mimosa for the third time, and Judah glowers down at his grapefruit like it's personally wronged him. I know I can use this situation to my advantage. If I flirt with Nolan a little, maybe let him think I'm interested, Judah will back off. It would be the best way to put an end to thisthingonce and for all.
It's already gone far enough.
That kiss… Every single thought and reservation was blown straight out of my head the moment I saw the man without his shirt on. I'd been seconds from begging him to take my virginity right there on the back deck, consequences be damned. I lose control around him, and my life has devolved into a shit-show enough as it is. I have no idea how my parents will react when I tell them about Harvard, and somehow I don't think it would help matters if they found out I fucked Evie's father-in-law.
I refuse to think about why I can't bring myself to do more than smile politely at Nolan or why I find Judah's jealousy oddly cute.
Very calmly, as though there aren't half a dozen people around us who could notice at any time, Judah reaches out to grip my thigh. I look around wildly, expecting to see shocked eyes on us, but everyone is distracted by Tom's animated story about fishing in Nantucket. Even Nolan has taken his eyes off me for the first time since we sat down and is laughing along with his father's story.
"Don't even think about it," Judah mutters under his breath, running his fingers gently back and forth over the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. He's barely touching me, but I can hardly breathe.
Oh god.
"I don't know what you mean." I lie automatically, keeping my voice as quiet as possible.
"You know exactly what I mean, and it won't work." His fingers move a little higher, and I instinctively part my legs to make more room for him.What am I doing? It's like my mind has lost complete control of my body.
His lips twitch, and he takes a long drink of water with his free hand, eyes on the horizon. We're approaching a tiny island surrounded by crystal blue water, and the only signs of civilization I can see are a long dock and a little area at the end with a few picnic tables set up. Everyone is looking the other way, exclaiming over the beauty of the place, and Judah leans over, his lips brushing against my ear.
"If I see you so much as smile at him again, I'll put you over my knee and spank your ass red. Are we clear?"
I keep my face straight, as though I hadn't heard him as Judah straightens up and returns to his grapefruit, leaving his hand on my thigh beneath the table.
When Nolan turns back to face me, grinning, I don't return his smile.
It doesn't take long for me to get sick of snorkeling.
I love the water, and the fish are beautiful. Still, I wouldn't call it fun when I'm accompanied at all times by a flirty realtor and Judah, who clearly doesn't want to give me a chance to work up the nerve to employ the diversionary tactic I was considering on the boat.
After a quarter of an hour, when Nolan touches my arm to draw my attention to some coral and Judah "accidentally" smacks him in the face with his flipper, I'm done. I wave to both of them and swim off toward the beach, ripping off my flippers and goggles as soon as the water is deep enough to stand up in and stomp out of the waves like the world's grumpiest mermaid.
In my first stroke of good luck, since I got off the plane, the beach is empty, and I'm afforded a few moments of peace as I walk over the hot sand to the table where I left my bag.
If I have to endure one more minute of Judah's jealousy, Nolan's flirting, or my mother and Kennedy's completely transparent attempts to shove the two of us together, I'm going to burst. It's too much, too many feelings, too many people. I'm emotionally drained from my panic attack yesterday, my sister's father-in-law telling me he wants to cum inside me, and trying to figure out how to tell my parents I didn't get into Harvard.
It's not like that's my only option. I have acceptances from three other medical schools I applied to as backups. If I want to become a doctor, I still can. I hate to admit it, but Judah's words have gotten under my skin. He asked me questions I've never dared ask myself, ones that the denial letter is now forcing me to confront.
Do I want this? Do Ireallywant this?
No.
I've asked myself that question over and over again today and keep coming up with the same answer. If nobody else factored into this decision but me….No.I wouldn't go. Everything about being a doctor sounds terrifying to me, I don't love it. I'm not even particularly interested in it. I have to figure out what I want, but what else am I supposed to do? Who do I want to be, if not another Doctor Bradley?
I love working with the kids at the daycare, but could I do that every day?
"Issy." My hands pause, buried in my bag in search of my sunscreen, as I hear the sounds of soft footsteps over the sand.
Judah.
"Go away. I need a minute," I don't bother to look back at him. "And don't call me that," I add as an afterthought.
I find the bottle of lotion and pour some into my hand, rubbing it furiously over my chest and shoulders. I know he hasn't left, but I don't acknowledge him, waiting for him to give me something else to snarl at him over.
"Let me help." I didn't realize he's moved closer to me, and I suck in a surprised breath when a large hand comes around my side to pluck the bottle from my hands.
I'd like to turn and argue with him, but I know what he looks like in those blue swim trunks, and keeping my eyes turned safely away toward the ocean seems safer. The little picnic area is out of sight of the area everyone is snorkeling, hidden by a thicket of palm trees and brush, but someone could still come walking around the corner at any moment. Just like when he put his hand on my thigh at breakfast, though, getting caught doesn't seem to worry Judah.
"You'd have a hard time explaining this," I tell him coldly as the bottle shuts with a click, and a moment later, Judah's hands meet my back, smoothing lotion over my skin. I can barely breathe as he takes his time rubbing the lotion into my skin, hands never moving lower than the top of my bikini bottom.
