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New job.
With both hands on the edge of the sink, I stare at my reflection. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
It’s painful to start over, but discomfort is part of growth. I can handle anything that comes my way today. I will handle anything that comes my way today. Everything that came before makes me strong enough to do this.
My hands tighten on the edge of the granite counter.
And this time, it’s all mine. This is my shampoo and my shower and my hot water. All of which I paid for. Nobody else is choosing it for me or holding power over me with it. That sick, pricking chill plays at the back of my neck remembering how Travis did just that.
Biting down on my lower lip, I feel shame. It took me far too long to realize that to him, it was his money, so he could treat me however he wanted.
That was then. This is now.
This new job, a high-end cocktail waitress, as Scarlet called it, could turn out to be great. If I can figure out how to work the system like Scarlet says, I’ll have more money in my pocket and even more freedom.
I’ll get that new set of sheets. They won’t come off the corner of my mattress. Maybe I’ll even get a cute lamp to boot. I smile into the water as I scrub down my face, thinking about it. Smooth sheets and no tossing and turning at night. That’s what I’m aiming for. Peace and freedom. You know what? I can get those things. There’s nothing stopping me now.
The bathroom is about as barren as my bedroom, but I’ve got what I need to do my hair. A blow-dryer and a curler and hairspray and hours of practice. I spend more time than usual in front of the mirror. I won’t let Scarlet down and be late, but I’m showing up as the new version of me.
With plenty of concealer under my eyes.
When my hair’s perfect, I practice my polite smile into the mirror.
They’ll fall in love with you, Scarlet promised. It’s a pity how much that made me feel cherished. Just the thought of strangers loving me was enough to sway me into taking the job.
I stop my thoughts in their tracks, clicking off the curling iron.Positive thoughts only.I’m not going to think of my ex or the hard climb ahead of me, or the possibility I might fail out of this new job.
Nope. I’m going to succeed. I can’t keep running back to my mom’s house every time life gets hard. I need to build my own safety net, and it starts with this new job. It’s natural to be nervous about it. The stakes are high. Life keeps coming no matter what I do, so I just need to keep going. Day in and day out. All I have to do is survive.
I bypass the basket of laundry and stride to my closet. There’s one dress hanging inside, one that Scarlet helped me pick out. Staring at the pile of boxes, I roll my eyes. I know, I know. I need to unpack. At the top of my to-do list is the need to put away my clothes and make this place into a real home, instead of a temporary stopping place. This is my home. This is my new home, and my new life, and I’m going to be fine.
With the satin slipping through my fingers, I take in the deep red. The dress is a dark, dark red. Shivers run up and down my arms at the feeling of the fabric. This dress is my uniform for the evening.
It makes me feel like a different woman. I turn in front of the mirror, letting the cloth drape down my body. It makes my dark hair stand out, and I get a thrill of pride that I managed to make myself look like this. Sexy and mysterious and in control.
They’ll never know how scared I am, deep down. No one will ever know. Because I’ll put on a smile that goes with this dress. That reminds me of the lipstick. Scarlet inspired me to get it. She told me red is a confident color. Perched atop the worn wood of my dresser is a little striped bag from Sephora. A spray of tissue paper pokes out of the top and nestled inside is my new lipstick.
I take it back to the bathroom mirror and apply it.
The shade of the lipstick matches the dress perfectly. That’s the last piece of my uniform and I did it exactly right. It’s hard to match colors so exact, so the forty-five minutes I spent in the store going back and forth between different shades is paying off. I stare at my own face in the mirror until I look like a stranger. A beautiful stranger who could be anyone she wants to be.
My phone vibrates on the bedside table out in the bedroom, and I go back out to see who messaged me.
Scarlet:How is everything going? Just checking in …
Braelynn:I’m all ready. Heading out soon!
I can’t helpthe feelings that come over me. It’s comforting to have someone who’s concerned about me like Scarlet is. Gratitude is overwhelming. We’ve known each other for years, but only recently got as close as we are. Since everything started breaking down with Travis, she’s really been there for me when I needed it.
Braelynn:See you soon.
One last stopat the mirror. I’ve made myself as perfect as I could for this. Perfect red dress. Perfect lipstick. It’s the lipstick, most of all, that gives me courage. I’ll fake it ’til I make it. I’ll fake it until every dark thing that’s ever happened to me is far away in the rearview mirror. I’ll fake it until there’s more happiness than pain in my life.
Blinking away every insecurity, I focus on the comic relief: I’ll fake it until I get that new set of sheets.
With a roll of my eyes and a huff of a laugh, I focus on that one small goal to send me on my way. It’ll feel good to have those new sheets, and better to sleep through the night without worrying.
The woman in the mirror is who I’ll be when that happens. No more Braelynn who cried all the wayhome to her mother’s house. No more Braelynn who doesn’t want to face the day and lets her lover treat her like a doormat.
