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“You missed this question,” I say, showing him my phone and the blank space.
“It’s supposed to be blank.”
“But the question says, past relationships or partners in the last five years. Even if it wasn’t serious, surely there’s beensomeone.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
Now, I’m even more curious.
“What about sex?” I whisper. I don’t really want a list of Griffin’s past sexual partners, but it’s probably wise to cover our bases. To understand who the person was before we got married. No more surprises. I know that Griffin isn’t a partier, our night out together was unusual for him, but I would expect he was having his needs met somehow.
His green eyes meet mine. “I’m celibate.”
I sit back, taking this information in.
“You mean like right now, we’re not having sex, and you’re not planning to sleep with other women until our marriage is annulled?”
“No, I haven’t had sex in years.”
Years, as in, multiple. At least two years. He says it so matter of fact, maybe we’re not talking about the same thing.
“Like, you mean no penetration? But other stuff, right?” I ask, trying not to burst into flames at using the word penetration.
“No,” he shakes his head, “nothing.”
“How long?” I ask, aware that my hand is gripping my water glass unbelievably tight.
He tilts his head to the side, like he’s mentally calculating. “Six years.”
Six years.I’m officially the exploding brain emoji; stunned by his confession.
The waiter brings our drinks, so I release my grip on my water glass and take a large gulp of wine.
I can’t wrap my head around this. Not because I think sex is the most important thing in the world or a relationship—it’s not. Sex with Alec was mediocre at best. Again, it was him putting his needs before mine ninety-nine percent of the time.
But Griffin exudes sexuality. Even if I didn’t see him perform at the revue show and I met him on the street, he has a presence, a look, an appeal. I saw it firsthand in the club with the women approaching him. It obviously hasn’t been due to a lack of willing partners.
I’m fascinated by this revelation.
“Why?” I ask.
If Griffin is uncomfortable with my questioning, he doesn’t show it.
“I had a high school girlfriend, we’d been together for two years, both planning to go to Texas for college. I had a full ride for football and she was going for dance team. I’d been hesitant to even dream that I could go out of state to school, but my mom was doing better. She’d been doing well for six months and had a steady job cleaning houses. When I lost my mom and became Sophie’s guardian, I knew I had to stay in Vegas. She went to Texas and we broke up.”
“That must have been hard.”
“We were young. I couldn’t expect her to change her life for me.
“Eventually, Sophie and I found our new normal, but money was always tight. I dated but nothing was ever serious. I was exhausted from working multiple jobs and there was no extra cash to hire a sitter to take a woman out even if I’d had the energy. It was like being a single dad at twenty-one. Trying to figure out my life while keeping Sophie’s as normal as possible. It got to the point where I didn’t have time for a relationship, so instead of seeking out meaningless sex, I went without. Eventually, it became my norm. Then, when I started at the revue, I made a point of not socializing with the women at the show.” He takes a drink of his beer, his eyes glued to mine. I hear his unspoken words.Until you.
“But you masturbate, right?” The minute the words are out of my mouth, I want to yank them back in. Why did I ask that?
“Yes.” He laughs quietly, his smile genuine and completely at ease. “I’m well acquainted with my hand.”
“I bet.” I can’t help it; the wine is already making my lips loose.
Griffin’s confession makes me feel better about us not having sex in Vegas, but it also makes me wonder what it would take for him to break his celibacy. With his sister grown up now, what is he waiting for?
