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“I should go.” I whispered into his mouth.
My head was spinning, and it scared me how badly I wanted more. An affair would really fuck shit up. I needed to stay focused on the goal. I wiped my soaked finger on my cover-up, picking my wine glass up from the sandy mess we made. I felt both sets of eyes staring at my back as I left, but it didn’t matter. This was one last hurrah, one final summer home.
The short walk back to the beach house brought me past the partygoers, old and new alike. Hopefully, my little show was far enough away not to catch any viewers. Even though that thought turned me on like crazy the entire time. I waved to the people still enjoying themselves, the fire and music still going. I closed the house door behind me and let the sounds of the party fade into the background. The darkness of the entryway and living room enveloped me, and I imagined myself fading into the background.
Kostas and his two sons were moving in soon. Two days. I had thoroughly prepared their rooms, along with ours. Stocked up on snacks and video games. I even made sure they each had a game console. How hard could it be keeping two boys entertained? Probably not very. Set them up with a movie and off we go for dinner and drinks. Kostas talked little about his family, and he never talked about his ex. I guess that was good for me.
I walked down the dimly lit hallways to the bedrooms lined with my framed photography. I liked raw photos. Emotional and devastating. One photo was from a trip to the Middle East. Although you could only see their eyes; there was deep pain behind them. A seventeen-year-old girl, set to be in an arranged marriage- wept at her mother’s feet. She loved someone else, and life was not fair. The shots I captured were painful. Her tear-stained face forever frozen.
The weight of emotion conveyed in a photograph, but only if done correctly. When I look at that photo, I see a life she did not choose.
Because if you can change your life, you should.
Today wasthe last day I would ever have to bathe in a child-sized hotel shower.
The beach house was ready, and while this wouldn’t be my permanent home, I was a tiny bit excited. The house we used to live in was modest. Our mother refused any help, and our father could never keep a job, so we rarely had any nice things. I imagined a quiet reading spot on a back porch, with the ocean quietly crashing in the background. The sunrises, the beaches, and the cliffs. Perhaps once we’re settled in, my thirst for snapping a camera lens would come back.
I spent most of my time reading lately. Anything and everything. It was the best distraction for me personally, fiction or non. I found the less I thought about my mother’s absence; the less it hurts. I favoured astronomy and history. If this photography thing doesn’t work out, history professor is next on my list. Maybe after the divorce settlement, I can wipe out some debt. I hoped that my relationship with my mother would resume someday. Time and space didn’t matter to me. She was my mother, and she always would be. The time just wasn’t now.
I packed up my two navy blue suitcases. Neatly folded and organised. Toiletries in a small, separate bag. Dirty laundry in its own bag. I liked things a certain way, and when things were clean and organised, I felt far more at ease. Schedules were my bread and butter, and I planned every detail of my day ahead of time. Meals, reading, studying, and photographing. Work, shower days and even a few game nights. Planned was safe.
It was time to go meet my new mommy, an Uber would be here in fifteen. Here goes nothing.
I metKostas for dinner at sunset on the Pier.
Augustine’s was the last place I wanted to be right now, and dinner with Kostas was the perfect way to avoid unpaid slips and business negotiations for new season slip holders.
“Hello, gorgeous. You look… good enough to eat.” Kostas took my hand and kissed it, pulling out my chair. He waved over the server and ordered us a bottle of Pinot Noir. He also picked the restaurant, the most expensive one on the Pier.
And I would pick up the bill.
“I guess steak, or maybe duck tonight? If it’s in keeping with the wine, you just ordered us.” I unwound the silverware next to my plate and placed the black napkin on my lap. Ignoring me, Kostas looked over the menu. I didn’t bother opening the mine. I knew he would order for us both. Maybe it was a Greek thing. My favourite food was lobster bisque in a bread bowl and lapping at a soup spoon and eating bread wasn’t sexy.
My stomach growled. I could sure go for some bread. But salad, it is. I smiled as the server brought over the wine, filling my glass not nearly enough.
“We’ll both have steaks, medium-rare. Salad on the side.” He handed the menus back to the server, his mouth in a thin line. I needed one summer. It was all the time I needed to save the yacht club from going under, and with enough of an extra effort- some extra cash just for me.
Kostas was tolerable. The lesser of all the evils that I could deal with. He was a little controlling, but something told me it was more than that. I often wondered what made me choose the men I did. Was Kostas drop dead gorgeous? Yes. Was he wealthy? No, but he had other things to offer me. They were just things he didn’t know about, yet. Surely, he wouldn’t mind once he found out. He was marrying me, after all.
Yeah, with an engagement ring you bought.
Kostas, still caught up with the ‘new car’ scent and the promise of a new life with endless possibilities. Hannah would never come back here, not in a million years. Not after what she did. I saw leashes, cages, and restrictions. I saw Felix Sandford and his ugly sneer. Demanding something from me when I was only fifteen. Powerful men had two things in common: a score of other powerful men to brag too and money.
Felix was a friend of my father’s, a misogynistic slime-ball. But I would never say that to Dad’s face. I’m sure Kostas had an array of friends where he came from, but here he was isolated. He didn’t have other men to egg him on. I made a mental note to introduce him to some good men, some hardworking ones. Then again, I have yet to meet a man I can trust.
“Are you excited to meet the boys?” His smile was charming, and he exuded confidence.
“As excited as anyone could be. How old are they again?” I lifted my glass of wine to my lips, bored with the conversations already. If I had wanted kids, I would already have them. I had the problem taken care of immediately after my first and only unplanned pregnancy.
“Judas and Jeno are nineteen.” He said, slicing into his steak with focus. I nearly spit out my wine. I knew Kosta was the strong silent type, but damn; I miscalculated this one. Did he even tell me their ages? Names? I knew next to nothing about either of them. I didn’t even know if they were identical.
“I’m not sure you told me that.” I wiped my lips with my napkin, blinking.
“Why? Is that a problem?” He stopped eating the steak, knife in one hand, fork in the other.
“No, of course not. I just thought they were younger than that. I hope they like gaming.” I let out a nervous laugh.
“I honestly do not know.” Kostas’ icy demeanour was a part of this new person he became when he was stressed… or drinking. I didn’t like this dude.
