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“Fine. But I’m naked.” I called, acting as if I didn’t care either way. Okay, that was a lie, and my dick knew it. She eased the door open, wearing that goddamned sheer black robe. I ground my hips into the mattress, then sat up on my forearms.
She carried a tray with toast, eggs, and coffee. A decanter of water balanced on the corner. She set the decanter and glass on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed behind me. I could smell the vanilla on her skin and the coconut of her hair. My balls tightened.
“I’m hoping this can be a sort of… peace offering. I mean, what happened at the beach and in the kitchen… it can’t…” She trailed.
I whirled around, circling her body with my long legs. “It was fucking amazing. Don’t even say it wasn’t. I don’t regret it.” My face was close to hers, and I became hyperaware of how close her hand was to my morning wood. Her eyes fell to my lips.
“I, I… didn’t know who you were… and I was drun…” She wouldn’t look me in my eyes. “Okay, what about the other night? In the kitchen?” I inched my hand closer to hers.
“I was barely awake! I didn’t know what you were going to do.” She rambled, and I grabbed her forearm, holding it out in front of us. The purple and blue handprint made her arm look even smaller, and I brought it to my mouth and kissed it.
“Why are you letting him do this to you? Why would you let anyone do this to you? Do you love him?” I looked into her face with sympathy. She chewed her lip, and I noticed a tiny scar just above her nose. Shaped like a crescent moon.
“It’s complicated.” She squinted. I could feel the tension between us, an invisible border not to be crossed. Her fingers squeezed the bedsheets, and my eyes fixated on the motion.
“I know complicated. That’s why that bottle is empty.” I set her arm down, but her hand was still in mine.
“Maybe I was blinded by the newness of it, I don’t know.” She took her hand away from mine and pulled her sleeve down.
She didn’t say she loved him. I wanted to pull her onto the bed, cover her body in wet kisses. I wanted to see her cry; I wanted to watch her come.
“Just because you like to be tossed around in the bedroom, doesn’t mean you want it elsewhere.” I chuckled, trying to lighten up the situation. My brain still heavy with sleep.
“Just because I like sex doesn’t make me a bad person.” She dropped her eyes to the floor.
I took her hand again. “I think you’re fucking amazing. You’re not wrong to have desires. You’ve just been told that all your life. Like me.” I ran my thumb along her pinky.
“Why the empty bottle of jack?” She nodded her head towards the abandoned bottle on the floor.
I ran a hand through my hair. “My good friend, the one from… that night. He told me he had feelings for me. Not sure how I feel about it.”
Her eyes got wide, but she looked to the side and thought for a moment. “If he’s a good friend, then you should talk to him. It doesn’t need to be complicated.” I thought about it for a minute, and it made sense.
“Yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t have to be complicated.” I smiled. She bit her lip and trailed her eyes down to the lump under my blankets. I scooted back, shoving her with my foot.
“Go, you’re a bad girl.” I heard her giggle as she closed the door.
I smiled.
After Kostas left,things with the boys felt… messy.
In the long run, their opinion of me didn’t matter, but for now, I wanted things to go smoothly. Jeno’s silly jokes and passion for photography reminded me of what it felt like to be young again. What I would give to do it all over again. I wanted to travel. So badly, I could taste it.
My wanderlust brought me to two of my husband’s. I had been from California to Texas, Texas to Colorado. I travelled in between on mini vacations or for gallery openings. But not the way I had always wanted. I wanted to see the world. It was a big dream for a spoiled California girl. I just thought I had wealth in my favour, but it turned out I didn’t. And Judas, fucking Judas.
Judas reminded me of myself when I was his age. Running around as fast as I could, soaking up every experience as if I would die tomorrow. Sex and booze. Although, I’m betting he smokes weed as most of this generation does. I had never tried, and always wanted to. I tried to ease my stress by cooking and cleaning. If I kept myself distracted, maybe I wouldn’t think about kneeling in front of Judas and begging him to fuck me over the table.
I hung white Christmas lights in the corner of the ceilings. Snack trays and freshly popped popcorn lined the breakfast bar.I even made a batch of brownies. I surveyed my work, satisfied, and opened a bottle of wine.
“Drinking already? At four in the afternoon? Tsk, tsk.” Judas hopped onto the couch, covered in freshly washed pillows and throws.
“Hey! I just washed those!” My wine sloshed around my cup, and he sat.
“Oh no. You going to punish me, Lyss?” He said in a hushed voice. I gave him a side eye but didn’t respond.
The front door opened and Jeno bounced into the living room, full of energy. “They really mean it when they say exercise gives you more energy- it really does!” He plopped down next to his brother, in the same, ‘I’m very aware of how big my body is’ sort of way.
“I figured at least one of you would be out scavenging for food in the kitchen. You guys hide in your rooms. Let’s watching a movie together.” I leaned against the back of the couch, but no one responded. They looked at one another, though.
