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All this anger and rage in the house was turning me into a runner. I was getting up early and hitting the beach at sunrise, and I liked it. The sunset was always a deep red, purple and gold, beaming through the low clouds just above the ocean’s swell. I turned on the shower, stepped inside, and as the water hit my chest, I thought about Juniper. She and I had become close. Something I was thankful for at a time like this.
I was leaving at the end of the summer, and that left little room for new friendships. I thought about her more often. Her intellect, along with her broad choice of studies; enamoured me. There was no better word. I’ve learned that my dick is more controlled by flowing conversations and new gems of knowledge. It didn’t matter too much what she looked like.
At first glance, Juniper was not someone I would consider. Her spiritual chatter and astrological observations were… amusing. Not someone I would take seriously. The more time I spent in her herb filled apartment, the more her stacks of books on her bookshelf appealed to me. I was reading more, discovering more. She had opened a new world for me, and for that I was grateful. I made a mental note to snoop around the marina, maybe even outside of the little shack.
If no one else wanted to tell the truth about what was going on, I would. I wasn’t a person who could live with a lie this big.
Adrenaline coursedthrough my body as I veered onto the interstate and hammered on the throttle.
The speed making me feel invincible. Wind whipped around me, and I crisscrossed through the cars until I felt satisfied. I took my hand a little off the throttle and slowed down. I pulled off the ramp and into a small gas station. I parked the Ducati and took off my matching helmet. I guess now I really looked like a straight dude. I had two things I needed to stop avoiding. Being honest with Leo and telling Alyssa how I felt.
Something deep down told me not to worry about Leo. He had been a solid rock for me for years. I doubted he would let this come in between our friendship. At least, I hoped so. My father would be home tonight, so there was no better time than now. It would be the perfect excuse to avoid that fucked up situation. Kostas didn’t scare me, and his blinded way of thinking only made him a lesser opponent.
She didn’t love him. I was sure about that. I chugged an extra-large bottle of water and threw it into the trash can. I tugged on my motorcycle gloves and made sure the Velcro was tight. Placing my helmet back on my head, I hoped back onto my She Devil and punched the throttle.
By the timeI made it back to the beach house, it was dark outside.
The waves crashed as I walked the short pathway to the front door. I looked in through the small square windows that lined the sides. Alyssa had a glass of wine in her hand and was wearing a tight cropped top with a matching tube skirt sitting just below her navel. She was alone. Jeno’s bicycle wasn’t out front by the gate. I looked down at my phone, checking the time: 9:33.
I walked in the door, and she turned. Her lashes thick, her lips pearly pink. Her hair fell over her shoulders in black waves, and she smiled. The real me, the authentic me, wanted to pull her frame into mine and kiss her. Take her bottom lip in between my teeth and claim her as my own, right there on the entryway floor.
“Are you loving that bike, or what?” She sipped the wine and took a step toward me. She smelled like springtime.
I took the wineglass from her hand and kept her eyes locked with mine. I took a big gulp, draining the cup. She took it back. “I think I love you.” She dropped the glass onto the hardwood floor, and the pieces exploded all around us.
“Oh shit, fuck! I’ve had way too much wine already. I’m so sorry.” She ran to retrieve the broom and swept the floor while I waited with the dustpan.
“Too much wine because Kostas will be home soon?” I watched her face as she swept the shards into the pan. I followed her into the kitchen, the words I said still hanging in the air between us.
She placed the broom back in the closet and crossed her arms, staring at the floor. “I can’t do this right now.”
“Can’t do what? Talk about what’s clearly going on between us. You can’t deny that you don’t feel it too. I can’t stop thinking about you.” I reached out and touched her waist.
She looked up at me. “It’s wrong. It’s fucked up— that’s what’s going on. I don’t need to ruin my reputation around here any further.” She walked away from me quickly, heading into the hallway towards the stairs.
I followed her and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her towards me. I slammed her into the wall and wrapped my hand around her throat; her face looking up at me in complete shock. “Is that what it would take for you to be with me? You want me to throw your little body around?” Her eyes were wide, her mouth slightly parted.
“I told you, I’ll throw you around all you want in the bedroom. But we use safe words in the bedroom, Lyss.” She closed her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks. I released my hold and sunk down to my knees in front of her.
“Alyssa, I want to fuck you, worship you. Let me protect you in the streets and throw you around in the sheets.” She used what strength she had to pull me to my feet and laughed through her wet cheeks.
It thrilled me I could make her smile that way, even after all this shit. I pulled her in close to me, bringing my lips to her ear. “I want you to know that I will have you. I’ll have you naked, squirming and spread wide on top of my bed. Don’t think for a minute, that I won’t fuck you blind while your fiancé is sleeping in the room below us.”
The front door opened, and she jumped back, snatching her hand from mine. It made my pinky twitch.
Alyssa wiped her face and smiled as big as she could muster. “Hey! Welcome back, how was it?” Kostas looked around the house like he didn’t recognise it. He surveyed everyone there, especially me.
“It was nice. I met new people and tried to kiss the most VIP asses I could.” I watched, and he walked his luggage back to his room.
“Judas, grab those bags for me.” He called from his bedroom. Alyssa had disappeared into the kitchen, probably after more wine. I punched the wall with a loud crack, and the paint splintered. I walked out the front door and slammed the door.
Fuckyour bags,oldman.
I was dreadingKostas coming back.
I don’t know if it was because the thought of his touch now made my skin crawl, or because he thought it was okay to speak to a woman the way he did. Either way, we didn’t leave things on good terms. I filled my wine glass for a third time, still trying to process the words Judas just spoke to me. I love you. I have only spoken those words to one other person, truthfully.
That sentence was thrown at me throughout my life. Husbands, boyfriends, lovers. It never meant much to me. Until they came from his mouth. They had never sounded so perfect, so necessary. He also had terrible timing. I couldn’t possibly sum up the ways he made me feel in the ten minutes before his father walked through the door.
