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“What? No. Of course not.”
“Then talk to me. Why do you keep going off without me? I want to spend time with you, Nica. I want to get back to that easiness we had between us, but we can’t do that if you won’t talk to me.”
He ground his teeth so hard I could hear it from here. But he still didn’t say anything, which just made me… well, it pissed me off. I knew I’d screwed up, but he said he still loved me, said he wanted to be with me, but he wouldn’t give me a real chance? How was that fair?
“Nica, talk to me. Please. Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I don’t want to get close to you,” he finally snapped out, then slammed his mouth shut like he hadn’t meant to say those words out loud.
I reared back as if he’d slapped me—probably would’ve hurt less. “Wh-what? Wh-why?”
Something in his gaze softened even as he looked about to cry. “Because I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me again. If I let you in, and you leave me again, I’m not—I wouldn’t—couldn’t survive it. I—”
“I’m not going to leave you.” I moved in close and grabbed his hands in mine, holding on as tight as I dared. “I’m not going to leave you, Nica. Never again. I swear it.”
He stared at me, his eyes flicking back and forth, his chin beginning to quiver. “You really promise?” His voice was so quiet it was barely a whisper.
“Yes. I promise. I will never leave you again. From now on, it’s all five of us together or none of us at all, okay?” I stepped closer so our chests bumped, and I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. “I will never leave you again, Nica. Please, please, please believe me. I’m never leaving you.”
He closed his eyes and leaned down to rest our foreheads together for a long moment, and I finally felt like I could breathe.
“Never again, Nica. I promise,” I whispered, staring into his eyes, praying he could see and hear my sincerity.
“Never again,” he murmured.
Going up on my toes, I pressed our lips together and breathed, “I love you,” into his skin, hoping he’d soak it up, hoping it would reach his heart so he’d know it was true.
“I love you, too, little bird.”
A smile spread over my lips. “I missed that.”
“What?”
“You calling me little bird. You haven’t said it often since I got back.”
He swallowed audibly. “Sorry. I… I’ll try harder.”
I shook my head, pulling him back to press our foreheads together. “No. You’re allowed your feelings, Nica. Of course you are. I just… I want to be here for you. I want you to know you can talk to me, rely on me. If there’s something you need, tell me. If there’s something I need to do better, share it so I can make things better. Please.”
This time, he shook his head. “I don’t think there’s anything else to do. You’re… already doing everything right. I… I think I need time.”
I nodded, my throat closing up. “Okay.”
“I’ll stop running away. I… I’ll try to talk it out when I’m upset.”
I sent him a gentle, shaky smile. “Thank you.”
He nodded, glanced away, and met my eyes again. “I… if you… next time…” He blew out a breath, seeming agitated with himself. “The next time you have a… big decision to make, can you… will you… will youpleasetalk to us all? Can you… include Wey and me next time? And Braz. You didn’t include him, either, I suppose.”
I cringed. No, I hadn’t. We’d lucked out that he’d found my note before we’d gotten very far. “Of course. Like I said, it’s all of us together now, okay? The five of us. Always.”
He sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “The five of us.”
I pulled him into a kiss, tender and sweet, hoping to express my affections to him. But Nica took it a step further, parting my lips with his tongue and making me groan in appreciation.
He reached under my thighs and lifted me, forcing me to wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips. He smiled at me, and for the first time since we’d returned, I felt like I was seeing his true smile. His green eyes lit up as he gazed at me with a fondness that hadn’t been there since before I’d left him.
I still had my work cut out for me with building trust back with Nica and Wey, but for the first time since I’d returned, I felt like my tiger and I were finally on the path of healing. We had a long road ahead of us, but at least we were heading there together.
