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“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, moving his thumb in a slow, torturous circle over my most sensitive spot.
“No,” I gasp, unashamed now by how much I want him.
“Then tell me the truth,” he commands. “Were you expecting me?”
“I’ve been thinking about you all night,” I admit.
He hasn’t been around all day. Lately, I’ve been meeting him at the door when he walks in, but he didn’t come home until I was already in bed. I missed him.
“Did you touch yourself thinking of me?” he asks in a breathless whisper, his fingers moving inside me quickly, making it hard for me to catch my breath.
“Yes,” I tell him truthfully.
I’d lain in bed, thinking about a moment just like this. I’d touched my body, calling out his name as I found my own pleasure. It was the first time I’d ever pleasured myself like that, and it was made all the more sensual by thinking of him. He had to know that my thoughts were completely focused on him.
“Did it feel this good?” he growls into my ear, bringing me back to the present moment.
I want to tease him more, to tell him that it was even better, but the way he’s moving against me makes it impossible for me to attempt to lie. All I can think about is how good his fingers feel.
“No,” I tell him finally. “Nothing is as good as the real thing.”
“Good,” he breathes, removing his fingers and replacing them with his cock.
This is always my favorite part. I love the way he can get me going with his fingers and his tongue, but it’s never as good as having him inside of me. As he moves over me, I claw at his back, needing him deeper than I imagined possible.
I wrap my legs around him instinctively, doing everything I can to deepen our position. He thrusts deep inside of me, and I cry out, feeling intense pleasure without reaching my pinnacle. I want this to last forever.
But it can’t. Not tonight, at least. He tips us both over the edge, so studied and skilled, and I hold on to him tightly as I find my bliss. He knows exactly how to get me off quickly, and it’s always incredible. I see stars explode behind my eyes as I lie back against my pillows and luxuriate in the feeling.
He pulls out of me and places a sweet kiss on my lips, the way he does every night. I don’t want him to go, but there’s a war inside of me. If I ask him to stay, he’s going to know how deeply my feelings for him run. So I let him go again, knowing he’ll be back. One night, he won’t leave.
He’s been stressed lately, but he doesn’t share his frustrations with me. We don’t talk much about anything these days. We had deep, meaningful conversations when he took me to the Plaza, but now most of our conversation is relegated to whether or not we like the sexual positions we’re in.
I started noticing it a few weeks ago. He came in the penthouse with a stack of mail, looking extremely disgruntled. When I asked what was wrong, he kissed me and told me it was nothing to worry about. I was worried something was changing between us, but then he came to my room that night and gave me a mind-blowing orgasm. At least in that area, everything was normal.
Every day, he looked more worried, though, and he wouldn’t talk about it with me. I found more and more creative ways to seduce him, but no amount of making him unwind would loosen his lips. It’s dawned on me that I am doing exactly what he wants me to do. I’m providing him round-the-clock pleasure. He doesn’t need a partner, he just needs sexual release.
But that rings false to me. He went to such great lengths to make me feel comfortable here, to make me feel cherished. I can only hope he’ll share his worries with me when he feels ready. Of course, I also haven’t been sharing with him the messages my brother and Niko keep leaving me.
They ask me if I’ve received the packages they sent, and I have no idea what they’re talking about. I have to assume they’re getting plastered and shooting the shit, but it annoys me. It’s been weeks since the wedding. It’s time for them to move on.
I pull the covers over my head and try to find the sweet embrace of sleep. If he won’t stay and hold me, I will wrap myself tightly in my covers and soothe myself to sleep.
The next day, I pack my bag and head out to the park with my bodyguard. It’s become my daily habit. A few days ago when we were walking around the park, I found a private clearing near the penthouse. There’s the perfect amount of shade, thanks to the many groupings of trees surrounding the clearing.
I’m sure I must be very boring for my bodyguard. All I do is bring a book and a little picnic lunch out here and enjoy the sunshine while I read my books. School starts in a few weeks, and I want to take advantage of my free reading time before I have to bury myself back in computer manuals.
I lay there for hours, soaking up the summer sunshine. It’s the end of July, and so much in my life has changed since my wedding day. I’m looking forward to school more than I ever have before. I know this semester doesn’t come with strings. I don’t have to go knowing that my freedom is at stake.
There are so many reasons I’m grateful to Johnny, even if our communication is lacking these days. He’s given me a sense of freedom that I never thought was possible. If it weren’t for him, I’d be in Brooklyn, married to Niko, and likely having terrible sex every night.
I can’t imagine any man pleasuring me the way Johnny does. But more than that, I’m grateful he gives me the space to be myself and doesn’t try to conform me into who he wants me to be.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life, and somehow it all began with the worst day of my life. I shudder to think what would have happened if Johnny hadn’t found me in that church bathroom. I probably would have toughed it out and walked down the aisle to Niko.
And maybe I’d be getting ready to start school, but maybe Niko would have decided that he wanted to immediately focus on starting a family. Maybe he’d make me put my life on hold for his whims. It wouldn’t be the first time a man decided what my fate would be.
It’s incredibly touching that Johnny has never pushed me into something I don’t want. He’s teased me and argued with me, but he cares about my desires and opinions. He saw how important school was to me without me having to tell him. He bought me my computer and paid my tuition without asking me for anything in return.
