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I get up and fling my door open. He’s so surprised he steps back. My face is covered in tears and snot, and I couldn’t care less. How could an evening that was meant to be so special turn out to be the night that broke me forever?
Hawk’s brows furrow in concern, and he reaches for me. I step back to avoid his deceitful touch. “I hate you,” I tell him through my tears.
He appears stunned as if I slapped him. He says nothing as big ugly teardrops roll down my face. We stare each other down before a stony mask finally slides into place and he appears indifferent. His face is blank. He walks away without another word and out of my life for good.
Now
Ishoot straight up in my bed with my chest heaving and my body covered in sweat. I’ve had these recurring dreams off and on since the night it happened. In the beginning, it was almost every night. Eventually, as time passed, they slowed down. And you know what? Scratch that. These aren’t dreams, they’re nightmares. Except, this nightmare actually happened. Yes, I thought I was in love with him. Yes, I was so close to giving him all of me. Yes, I got scared and ran. Yes, my sister is truly the monster she proved to be by sleeping with my boyfriend and taking everything away from me while she pretended to care.
I still don’t know why he did it.How could he do it?How did he fool me so easily? And perhaps, it’s why this memory still haunts my dreams. It plays like a movie reel whenever it fancies to do so. But it’s happened a lot since Hawk and I have been around each other again. Then last night, when he stood in front of me and practically begged me to hear him out and accused me of sleeping with another man, one he seems to have an issue with, all in practically the same breath…I couldn’t help but throw the past in his face and point-blank called him out about sleeping with my sister. I’m sure it’s why I relived that horrible night in my dreams just now.
I’ve never told him I knew. That I saw him zip his pants as he stood up from my sister’s bed while she was naked not far from him. He walked out of my house after I said I hated him. He didn’t ever glance back. He didn’t even try to fight for me. Not that he could have and won, because it was the ultimate betrayal.
We didn’t ever speak again until he had to show up at High Road with Tate and Lucy that night. I was almost content with my life and all the elements of it.Almost.Until he had to say my name. Until he called medolcezzaagain like no time had passed at all.
I throw the covers off and head for my shower. I let cool water run over my sweat-slicked skin as I stand still watching the water trickle down the tile. The uneasy sense Hawk is right flits through my brain. Did I make a mistake by signing the contract so quickly? Why were they pushing me so hard? I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I signed it, and I’m giving it my best shot. Hawk can get over it. There’s no need for him to know anyway.
When I get out of the shower, I wrap my body in a towel and use another to squeeze the excess water from my hair. Before I try to gently comb through my wet locks, I put a dollop of my favorite leave-in conditioner in my palms and work it through my hair. Then I grab the comb I regularly use and pad barefoot to my bedroom.
When I glance at the clock, it’s almost lunchtime. I worked until closing last night at High Road and stayed late to tell Zander my plans. He’s happy for me, even if he did appear a bit wary. I assured him I wasn’t quitting the bar. I can do both. It was after two thirty in the morning when I came home and tried to crash. Sleep didn’t come easily though. I tossed and turned as I replayed my time in Nashville, as well as Hawk’s reaction. It was sometime after three when I finally succumbed to sleep.
I decide to check in with Bree as a distraction. She’s sort of fallen into Dean’s arms. I think about everything she’s been through in the last year or so and I’m glad she’s finally giving in to her feelings for Dean. Theirs is a rather complicated love story. She loved him when she was a kid, but he constantly pushed her away. If you ask me, I think it was because she was his best friend’s little sister, but what do I know about love? If you examine my life and nonexistent love stories, then the answer is nothing.
Both of them have been through hell and back. Tragedy brought them together and made them see what was important. But I still worry about her. In my opinion, I know they still have a lot to work through, but they’ve got the real thing.
Me:Hey, babe. How are you today?
Bree:I’m okay. I actually may come see you tonight at High Road if it’s okay.
Me:I’ll be there.
Bree:Okay. Thanks, honey. I’ll see you soon.
Bree came to visit me a lot at work over the last year or so. Zander always let me take my lunch break with her so we could spend some time together. I knew she needed me in a way she couldn’t need anyone else. Her family is close. But sometimes, you need your best friend. No matter what chaos I have in my life, I’ll be there whenever she needs me. I know she’d be there for me just the same, but I can’t bring myself to tell her anything right now.
I finish getting ready and decide to head into work early. When I get there, Zander offers me a lopsided grin. “You’re not due for another two hours. You can’t say you miss me already, can you?” I shoot him a wink and a smile.
Let me say, Zander is an incredibly handsome man. If my head and my heart weren’t so conflicted with everything in my past, and apparently my present, I could see myself giving him a shot. Not that he’s asked, because he hasn’t, but he does sometimes have an unmistakable sparkle in his eye when he looks at me. Even Bree said so before. But there’s no way I’d ever drag someone as pure as Zander into the mess which is me.
Besides, we all have our own heartbreaking, sad story. Zander certainly has his. I hope one day he meets the woman of his dreams and finds all the happiness he deserves. I also hope, even though this bar is his life, he’ll pick up a camera again. But that’s a story for another day.
The early afternoon passes by quickly and now the evening crowd has started to gather. I’m wiping down a recently vacated high-top table when Briella walks in. She stands there almost in a daze. She’s unmoving, so I walk up to her to see if she’s okay. She asks me to go somewhere with her, and Zander doesn’t hesitate to let me even as more patrons enter the bar.
It turns out, she wanted me to go with her to Drew’s house to get a few things and say goodbye. He was a firefighter and was killed in the line of duty. It’s the tragedy that brought her and Dean together. He was also one of Dean’s best friends, aside from Sterling of course, who is Bree’s brother. I waited in the living room and heard her speak to Drew as if he were listening. For her sake, I hope he could hear every word.
When we get back to High Road, she takes a seat with me, and I ask her what she’s going to do now. Her answer resonates with me. She says, “I’m going to live…and love with no regrets.”
She tells me she’s ready to give her relationship with Dean a real chance if he’ll still have her. They’ve been at sort of an impasse lately. Sometimes miscommunication is the root of all evil when in a relationship if you ask me. That and people tend to get involved where they aren’t needed or wanted.
My heart twists as the image of Hawk and my sister comes to life. Dean also had a girl who carried a torch for him but didn’t seem to understand he only has eyes for Briella. Things were seen and seemed like things they weren’t, and well…hello, wedge between two people who love each other.
We talk a bit more and laugh…maybe a few tears were shed, but who’s counting those? I’m not. By the time she glances over my shoulder, I feel the shift in the atmosphere. Briella draws her attention back to me. “Someone is staring at you.”
I already know who, but I glance over my shoulder anyway. Tate and Hawk stride into the bar. Hawk’s gaze keeps flicking to me. I turn back to face Bree again and roll my eyes before smiling at her. “I love you, Bree. Now get your man and tell me how it turns out. I want details.”
I think I’ve successfully diverted her attention from anything to do with me and Hawk, but Briella is in tune with me. “I need details on that.” She shifts her gaze toward where Hawk is sliding into a booth across from Tate.
“There are no details there,” I tell her firmly, hoping she’ll buy it. I reach across the bar to grab my apron from where I stashed it and make quick work of retying it around my waist.
