Page 2 of There I Find Peace


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Hopefully God would understand. Actually, she knew He did. Jesus went through a trial at his crucifixion that had to have been just as painful. The Bible didn’t record him crying, but that didn’t mean he didn’t.

After living through what she had, Jubilee suspected he had.

She fingered her cell phone as she sat along the road.

“Mom? What are you going to do?” Scarlett asked, and her voice didn’t sound sweet and nice. It sounded rather demanding, like she expected her mother to fix this problem and now.

“You need to call a tow truck. He needs to have someplace to haul all of us to. Make sure of that when you call them.” Penelope had to put her two cents in too. She acted older than an eight-year-old, probably because she was so smart. Jubilee wasn’t sure where she got her intelligence, since it certainly wasn’t from her. She was about the dumbest person in the world, and anyone who doubted it could just look at the decisions she made over the course of her life, if they needed to be convinced.

This latest decision, the one that made her just jump in her car and take off, was a case in point. Although, where she ended up started out with her decision to not open a new bank account only in her name.

She had had almost a thousand dollars, which wasn’t a whole lot, but it was everything that she’d saved since she left her husband. She’d had to pay the lawyer’s fees since her husband filed for divorce. And that had set her back, or she would have had more. Still, it had been a shock at noon when her card had been declined when she tried to buy lunch at a fast-food place along the interstate.

After doing some research, she realized that her husband had taken everything but ten bucks from the account.

She assumed it was him, since no one else had access to it. She had thought it was fraud and considered reporting it, but she would have felt like an idiot if the bank had said that it was her husband who took it. Still, she called, just to confirm. The lady at the bank had been super helpful. After all, she’d known Jubilee for years, since that’s where they’d banked since they got married.

The lady had cheerfully informed Jubilee that her husband had, indeed, taken the money.

It was not coming back. And Jubilee knew there was nothing she could do about it. She wasn’t the kind of person to beat a dead horse.

If she were, she might take this opportunity to cry. But of course, crying didn’t solve anyone’s problems, and she really didn’t have time for that right now anyway. Actually, she did have time.

“I’m hungry,” Scarlett whined from the back seat.

Okay. Maybe she didn’t have a lot of time.

She sighed and tried to think of whether or not there was still a small package of peanuts in her purse. She couldn’t even remember where she got it, but she did remember digging around them more than once, thinking that she should just take them out, and then reminding herself that someday she might want them.

She reached over the console and picked up her purse which sat on the passenger side.

Her wallet was in there of course, but it was empty.

After digging for a bit, she found the package of peanuts.

“This is all I have. It should tide you over until we figure things out.”

She should call a tow, but she didn’t have the money to pay. She didn’t even have a credit card because when she left her husband, she’d cut them all up, knowing she couldn’t afford to rack up a bunch of debt.

Buying things she didn’t need wasn’t exactly something she did a lot of, but she didn’t want to be tempted. Tempted to buy things for her children to try to diminish the pain of not having a father living with them anymore.

Back when she was a young mother, back when she had stars in her eyes and dreams of being the best mom anyone had ever had, she’d determined in her heart that she would be a happy mom. Someone who made everything fun. Someone whom her children remembered as smiling every day and laughing freely.

Of course there were times when a person had to be serious, but she didn’t want her children to remember her as someone who never laughed, or smiled, or had fun.

She wanted them to remember their childhood as joyful and happy.

She almost laughed. How could a child remember their childhood as joyful and happy when their parents split right in the middle of it, breaking up their home and tearing up everything that they thought was dependable and safe?

Still, her goal of being happy and joyful was still attainable, just harder.

For the most part, she felt like she’d done pretty well, but...it was always an effort. Especially at times like these when she really didn’t know what to do, and she was scared and sad and alone.

“All right, girls, we’re going to get to walk a little bit. The lake breeze always feels fresh and clean, and the first person who sees Lake Michigan gets a star.”

“Mom. We’re too old for the star thing,” Scarlett said, and if a voice could roll its eyes, hers was rolling all over the place.

“All right. That’s fine. If you don’t want a star, I can give one to myself. Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to see the lake first,” she said easily, opening up her door and stepping out. Her purse was the only thing of any value that she would want to take with her, but they probably should take a change of clothes as well.

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