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“Yeah. I... I’m talking with my ex, back and forth about what we’re going to do with our girls. He’s not super interested in seeing them, but he feels like it’s his duty. I think. That’s the impression I’m getting anyway.”
“Like he’s a bad dad if he doesn’t at least want to see them a little bit?”
“That, and I also think he thinks that the more time he spends with them, the less he will have to pay in child support. He already pays a very small amount, but I guess I just don’t care. I would rather have them for myself than share them with him, although...after seeing Nora and how much she longs for a dad, I guess the girls know that their dad doesn’t always take time for them, but I’d like them to have the illusion that he cares a little about them and wants to spend time with them, you know?”
“It’s not an illusion on my part. I’d take her full-time if I could. In fact, I’ve wondered if maybe I should ask Eva if I could have her for the school year and she could have her for the summer. The problem is, it’s so much fun here in the summer, and I know Nora loves it here. I haven’t even broached the idea with her because I think that it would make her sad, the idea that she wouldn’t be spending summers with me anymore.”
“Eva might be here for good. And then, she really would be by the lake in the summer. And as much time as she spends with Lana, you might have her a good bit in the summer.”
He hadn’t considered that. He was somewhat disquieted at the idea of Eva actually staying.
“You really think Eva is going to settle down here?” He hoped he didn’t sound too horrified at the idea.
He must’ve sounded a little bit disgruntled though, if Jubilee’s smile was anything to judge by.
“Is that such a horrifying prospect?” she asked.
He grinned back. “I’m sorry. I just... I feel like she’s been chasing me a little bit, actually a lot. And she definitely put ideas in Nora’s head. Ideas that I don’t know if I’ll ever overcome. Ideas that have made Nora look at me like I’m the bad guy. And it bothers me.”
“Of course it does. I didn’t mean to laugh at that.”
“I know you didn’t,” he said easily, and this was what he liked so much about Jubilee. She was easy to talk to. She smiled, laughed, wasn’t afraid to poke a little bit, but didn’t make fun of him to the point where he felt defensive or hurt.
She pushed him in just the right way.
She gave a little self-depreciating laugh. “I didn’t want to be unkind, but it was kind of funny the way you said it. You know her better than I do, but she just seems a little...clueless, not mean. You know?”
He supposed he understood that. “You mean, she’s just so wrapped up in herself and doesn’t really mean to hurt other people, just does it because she blunders around without really thinking about anyone but herself and what she wants?”
“I do that too, sometimes,” Jubilee said, nodding her head.
“Maybe some of us start thinking about the way our actions affect others earlier than other people do. Seems to me that maybe Eva hasn’t started thinking that way yet.”
“I think sometimes it’s hard for anyone to get themselves out of the center of the world and make something else, preferably Jesus, the center of their life. We... We think we do that because we read the Bible, or because we pray before we eat, or because we think about Jesus sometimes. But when you really live a life where Jesus is at the center, it’s a different life than what most people live. And people can tell.”
“I’m not gonna disagree with that. And I know you’re talking about me. Because a lot of times, my life is all about me and what works for me. Sometimes I even think about Nora and my family. But that’s not really a life putting Jesus at the center.”
“No. It’s not. A life with Jesus at the center is radically different. It’s often uncomfortable, although sometimes the biggest blessings come from things that we think we’re giving up, but instead, God just wants to divert us into something that’s even better than what we left.”
“You could be talking about what you’re doing. Making a new life for yourself here.”
“I could. I... I guess a lot of my pull toward Strawberry Sands was the fun that I had here when I was a teen. It brought back good memories, gave me a good feeling. But I do want to put my girls first and do my best by them. I suppose that is my focus. What I can do for them.”
“And that’s why no entanglements?” He couldn’t help but ask. The idea had nagged at the back of his head the whole time they’d been talking.
She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them.
“You disagree with me.” She stated that as a fact; she wasn’t asking. She didn’t look at him either, but lifted her head to the breeze, and allowed it to push her hair back over her shoulders. She closed her eyes, as though enjoying the touch of it on her face, and he couldn’t help but look at her, watch how she enjoyed the simple thing of the sun on her face and the breeze blowing gently, the sounds of the girls laughing and the waves, and the lazy summer afternoon. It wasn’t even a whole day. She’d worked hard all morning and had an afternoon of hard work ahead of her. She was just enjoying the moment as it came, allowing him to share it with her.
Couldn’t she see that spending her life with someone was better than spending it alone?
Of course, he’d spent the last decade or so being very content all by himself. Just visiting his family when he got a little lonely, content in his cottage, sharing it with his daughter over the summer.
He couldn’t fault Jubilee for feeling the same way. Maybe it would take a while before she was ready to want to be with someone again.
The thought discouraged him, because he felt like he was ready now.
“I do. I think that the girls would benefit from having a father. Someone who cares about them. After all, God didn’t want a child to grow up in a home without a mom and a dad both.”
