Page 56 of There I Find Peace


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“I think you’re probably right. I mean, I don’t know him or anything, but if he’s trying to get out of paying, that would do the trick.”

“And I think that trying to fight about custody is just going to be a pain. Partly because of what you’re going through with Eva. Not that she’s a terrible person or anything, but the temptation is to complain to your kids about what a terrible person your ex is. And it’s easy to poison their brains. It’s hard enough to raise children. You don’t need the adults in their lives making it a lot harder. You know?”

“Amen and amen,” he said fervently, making her smile. Since he was going through it, he would know exactly what she was saying.

And it was obvious he agreed with her.

“Sometimes I wonder why people can’t just grow up, you know? Why is it so hard to put your child’s welfare ahead of your own? I mean, I understand that sometimes you’re bitter and angry against your spouse, but can’t you see how it hurts your kids whenever you’re bad-mouthing their parent? No matter how right you are, it’s never beneficial.” She didn’t mean to rant like that, she just...felt like it wasn’t that hard to figure out.

“I’m not disagreeing with you, but I know there have been a few times where Eva has been supposed to do things, and she hasn’t. She hasn’t kept her end of the bargain, she hasn’t done what she said she was going to do, and well-intentioned or not, I was the one left holding the bag. I was the one left trying to explain to my child why things weren’t happening the way they were supposed to. On the one hand, I always tried to make sure that Nora knew that Eva loved her. But I wasn’t going to take the fall for Eva not showing up when she was supposed to. It’s not my fault.”

Okay. Jubilee could give him that. She hadn’t had that issue yet. The only issue she had was her ex’s total lack of concern and interest. And she hadn’t had to explain that to her girls.

“See? That’s what you were saying about not experiencing it, so not knowing. I guess you’re right. I don’t want to look like the bad guy, when it’s my husband who is the one who’s not doing what he said. So that makes sense to me.”

They rode on in silence for a little bit, maybe each of them deep in thought. Jubilee, for her part, wanted to stop thinking about her ex and her divorce and all the problems associated with that. She still hadn’t quite gotten over the idea that she was a divorced woman. It certainly wasn’t something she ever thought was going to be a way she would describe herself, but that’s where she was in her life right now.

“What’s the one thing that you learned from your mistakes with Eva?” she asked after a bit. Thinking that she was divorced, but she was older and wiser. She wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again.

“Don’t have sex outside of marriage?” Matt said with a wry smile. “Is that not PG enough to talk about? I can tone it down a little bit.”

“I’m an adult. But yeah, you can tone it down if you want to.”

“Don’t be alone with someone, because there’s a lot of temptation involved there. Definitely don’t bring them back to your room, even if they ask, and if you’re going to make out with someone, don’t do it on a bed.”

“All mistakes you made?” she asked, although she wasn’t smiling. Maybe there was a little bit of humor in her voice, because mistakes were just that. Mistakes. A person couldn’t sit around and cry about them.

“Yeah. All mistakes I made. All mistakes I wish I wouldn’t have made. And all things that my mom told me I shouldn’t do. But you know how it is, you think you know better than your parents.”

She didn’t really have parents, so she didn’t know that. She couldn’t really remember rebelling against her aunt.

“What about you? What have you learned from your ex and your mistakes there?” he asked, and she thought he sounded like he was truly interested and not just returning the question. She liked that.

“I want to be with someone who’s interested in me.” There. That was one mistake. “Interested in me as a person and not just as...a body. How’s that?”

“That was PG,” he said with a grin.

“Well, you know what I mean. And I guess I was flattered by his attention. But looking back, it wasn’t the right kind of attention. I suppose not having parents I really craved...just love. You know? But I mistook physical attraction for the deep, I want to know everything about you, and I want to love you despite your flaws kind of love. The kind of love where you actually want to spend time with someone outside of the bedroom, laughing and doing things together that both of you enjoy. Or doing things that he enjoys, and doing things that you enjoy, both of you giving a little, so that you spend time together.”

“So it sounds like your love language is quality time.”

“Oh my goodness. You read the love language book?”

“No. My sister Sunday read the love language book. Like, in high school. And we would sit at the supper table, and she would diagnose all of us. Maybe diagnose isn’t the right word, but she’d tell us what our love language was. It got really old, but we definitely all remembered and were well-versed in love languages.”

“So did she become a psychologist?” Jubilee asked with a grin.

“She should have, right?” Matt said, shaking his head.

“But she didn’t?”

“No. She actually runs a dog boarding and grooming kennel.”

“Maybe the Great Pyrenees is hers?”

“No. She doesn’t have any dogs of her own. She says she gets her fill of them during the day, and then she goes home to her apartment, and she has cats.”

“You’re kidding?” Jubilee laughed.

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