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He immediately scoffs, shaking his head at me as he points his fork in my direction. “That’s a load of bullshit. This stuff is elite. You better prepare your ass to cook for me on the daily.” My heart freezes in my chest, but Benji just continues eating like he didn’t just say anything along those lines. Which can only mean he was joking, so I offer a tight chuckle before stuffing my mouth with food.
Needing desperately to distract myself from the fact that I’m close to shooting my load right here at the table, I decide to address the huge elephant in the room that’s been overwhelming my mind since we got here.
Clearing my throat, I take a gulp of my water, knowing full well I’m about to destroy the fun and calm atmosphere we have going on, but fuck it, it’s also the reason why we’re here.
“Do you know why you’re here with me? Why Wade wants me… dead?” I place another forkful of food in my mouth as soon as I’ve spoken, watching as Benji’s brown eyes flash to mine before he shakes his head in response. Wow. Okay. “But you’re still here anyway?” I ask, my voice slightly quieter than it was a moment ago.
“It’s my job to protect you, no matter what.” He doesn’t try to sugar coat or over-dramatize his lifestyle and job, and I appreciate it.
Clearing my throat once more, I wet my parched lips as I attempt to find the right words. “Well, since I forced you to overshare earlier, it’s only fair that I do the same,” I mumble, placing my knife and fork down on my now-empty plate. He doesn’t urge me along or tell me not to bother, he just gives me his attention, letting me go at my pace and share on my terms. “I met Wade at the gym. He was hot, alluring, and demanding of attention. When he first approached me I brushed him off, but persistence is a strong suit for him.” My gaze drifts down from Benji’s, the memories plaguing my mind. “He took me on a few dates, some nice places, and everything was good. When he wanted to make us official I wasn’t completely there yet, but I agreed, enjoying the time we were spending together.”
My fingers tap on the wooden table, my chest squeezing with the memories that follow as I try to take a deep, calming breath. All the while, Benji remains quiet, likely too scared to move or breathe because I look like a deer caught in the headlights, sinking under the pressure of speaking this out loud for only the second time since it happened.
“That same night, he took me to some fancy mansion out in the Hamptons. Told me it was his friend’s birthday and we should join them to celebrate. I was nervous, but I went anyway. The second we arrived, something felt off, though.” Tingles race up my spine, my body stiffening as I continue to push through retelling my story. “There were only men there, no women. Wade got me a drink, but I was too on edge to let liquor warm my veins, so when he wasn’t looking I poured it into a plant pot,” I admit, rubbing the back of my neck. “Little did I know that was my saving grace,” I mumble, sensing the tension slowly beginning to rise around us.
“You were good to follow your instincts,” Benji says quietly, but I can’t lift my gaze, my focus zoned in on my hands fidgeting in front of me.
“The drink was spiked, as were half of the men’s drinks at the party. It turns out it was some secret club, and every guy had to bring a man to drug, rape, and sell.” The words taste like acid on my tongue, the memory almost tangible in my mind as my eyes squeeze shut. “It didn’t take long for me to piece it all together; the horror real in my soul. I acted on instinct, taking a handful of pictures before getting the hell out of there.” Pain drips down my spine, anger at myself and my actions getting the better of me. “I ran straight to the local police station, which took me almost two hours on foot, only for them to dismiss me. Elsie believes they know what’s going down out there and are being paid to do nothing. But all those men, Benji, I left all of those men to face the fate I ran from.”
My chest heaves with every breath I take, fury at myself bubbling inside of me. I don’t know where I find the strength, but I finally manage to lift my head up to meet Benji’s gaze.
Fuck.
If I thought his brown eyes were stormy before, that’s nothing compared to now, and the guilt thickens in my veins. He knows the mistakes I made, I can feel it with every fiber of my being.
Benji’s chair scrapes back, his hand swiping down his face before he speaks. “You did what you had to do, Nate. Saving yourself should always be your priority.” The words are tense on his lips, his jaw tight as he offers me a half smile, a poor attempt at pretending everything’s okay before he rises to his feet and marches from the room.
No more words. No more anything.
Just me. Alone with my thoughts. Lost in my own mind.
The police told Wade and the secret club what I did, and now I have to face the consequences.
I can’t decide which fate is worse: dying at the hands of a hitman or being used in the same way as all those men.
Either way, the end is coming.
SIX
Benji
Anger burnsdown my spine this morning, just like it did yesterday evening. I have worked myself up into a total mess as I pound my fists repeatedly into the punching bag hanging from the ceiling.
Thank God Ryan set up a safe house with a gym. I’m just next door to the kitchen, the monitors set up along the far wall giving me a full view of the entire home while I beat the motherfucking shit out of this bag.
I haven’t been able to contain my emotions over Nate’s story since the words passed his lips during dinner last night. I’ve avoided him ever since. The neanderthal within me wants to toss him over my shoulder again and hide him away from the rest of the world for all of eternity. The burning need to claim him as mine and slaughter every man that was at that party is real, and I can’t control it.
I don’t want Nate to see that, see this aggressive side of me. He’s seen enough as it is, all to be betrayed by the fucking cops when he reached out for help. After speaking to Ryan last night while Nate was sleeping, he confirmed that it was the cops who tipped off the club—a club that’s been on the radar of Featherstone for some time—and my gut clenched.
He won’t be safe until the hit has disappeared, until his ex, if he can even be called that, has been wiped from the earth. I want the whole fucking group taken down before I trust this man in the open again. He won’t leave my side until I’m sure it’s safe.
Sweat trickles down my spine, my knuckles throbbing from the constant beating, but it doesn’t change my actions or shift my attention. If anything, it makes me pound harder.
Again, and again, and again.
Standing in a pair of loose shorts and nothing else, I’m sure I look like a mad man, but if Nate has been able to hear me in here, he hasn’t made it known, seemingly avoiding me as much as I am him.
The anger and frustration doesn’t simmer down in my mind. Every time I think I’m calm and can show my face, it immediately ripples through my body once more. I won’t settle until there’s blood on my hands. That’s the reality, a truth I’m far too familiar with.
