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Good, we’re both immediately in better mindsets than moments ago. I can work with that. Our eyes meet, a calmness washing over us as we settle in each other’s company.
“Do you want to explain what’s going through your mind first, then I’ll fill in any blanks on my end and we can figure out where we went in completely different directions?” I place my hands on my hips, forcing myself not to reach out for him as he sits with his legs splayed on the countertop. The open space beckons me closer, and I have to fight against my natural instinct to slot right in.
He nods, but doesn’t speak straight away, and I give him a moment to find his thoughts without being pressured. “I completely understand if you want to be reassigned. The truth of my situation that I dumped on you last night is shitty. I know I fucked up, I know I let all of those other men get hurt, saving just myself, and I feel guilty beyond words.” His voice cracks, and my body tenses with a need to soothe him, but I also feel like he needs to find his own voice. “I would be beyond mad at me too if I was in your position,” he admits, looking up at the ceiling in defeat, and it slowly begins to make sense to me.
This man.
Thisfuckingman.
He has no clue. Not one. And I need to rectify that immediately.
Grabbing his jaw, I pull his face down so he can meet my gaze, leaving no space between us with one step as my body takes control. “Nate, are you crazy? I’m not madatyou, I’m madforyou,” I bite, unable to keep the rage from my tone as he stares at me with wide eyes. “I know that Ryan and a crew of men are in the Hamptons right now, scoping the location and looking for leads. I know they have men tailing Wade, ready to bring him down with a single word, and I know there are also people out there looking for the details on the hitman so you’ll be safe.”
He seems to visibly relax before me, his hands resting on his thighs as he keeps his gaze fixed on mine.
“Why?” The gulp that follows his question is possibly more audible than the word itself.
“Because no one deserves to have to go through what you went through, Nate. No one. I hate that you were ever put in a position like that.” The truth rolls off my tongue despite myself.
“But you’ve been hiding away from me,” he mutters in response, eyes searching mine like he’ll find a lie, but we should both know by now I can’t give him anything but the pure, raw, honest truth.
“I’ve been hiding away because I want to be out there, finding the enemy and wiping them from the face of the earth. I want their blood on my hands, I want revenge for you, I want you to be able to look at me without seeing who I really am, and right now I can’t control it.” My chest heaves with every breath, each word getting louder and hoarser as I stand before him, gaping at his stunned face, wondering where he gets the audacity to just split me wide open like this.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths.
We’re completely in sync, lost in each other's gazes, and I have no idea who moves first.
Him?
Me?
Both of us?
The semantics don’t matter. Not when his lips are pressed against mine.
SEVEN
Benji
Nate’s mouthmolds to mine like they were made to be together, his soft, plump lips crashing into mine again and again as my hands reach up to cup his face.
I can’t hear a sound.
I can’t see anything.
All of my senses are on lockdown, catering to the two sensory needs of feeling and tasting him.
Kissing has never been my thing. Ever. I go to a bar to fuck, sometimes outside, sometimes in the bathroom, but that’s it. This, on the other hand, feels like something else entirely.
His hands lift to my shoulders, holding me in place as everything between us continues to intensify.
Breaking away to catch my breath, my eyes fall to his blue pools. “I’m supposed to be protecting you, not wanting to fuck you,” I grumble, my voice raspy with need as I stroke my thumb over his cheek. “We should stop,” I add, not truly wanting to, but the protector in me doesn’t want to stray from the job, not when it’s his safety on the line.
To my surprise, Nate nods, his fingers glossing over his mouth as he speaks. “Yeah, you’re right. You’re right,” he repeats, my pulse pounding in my ears as disappointment seeps through my body.
