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“When I pierced the impostor’s wards, he threw his power out in a wide arc. He died, but I’d dropped my ward. Regner still had most of my power, and I was drained. I couldn’t hold the ward and attack. There was a child nearby.” I could still see his face. It was burned into my memory. Into my nightmares.
“Oh, Lorian.”
“He died instantly.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Her instant denial grated on me. Prisca wasn’t seeing me for who I truly was. It was one thing to be the kind of monster who hunted other monsters. Who shed blood so others didn’t have to. But I was a monster who’d ended an innocent life.
I pulled my hand from hers and got to my feet. “He was about Demos’s age, Prisca. If he’d been the one to die, would you still say the same? It could have been you that night, if you hadn’t been taken.” Just the thought made bile burn up my throat.
Prisca was silent for long enough that I finally turned back to her. Her eyes held such misery.
My chest was so tight I could barely breathe. “I’m sorry. The choice to go that night wasn’t entirely about your people. It was also about ego. My reputation. And making Regner pay. Your parents died…”
“No, Lorian. I’m crying foryou. You’ve held this for almost as long as I’ve been alive. And it wasn’t the first time. Let me guess, once Regner’s lackey was dead, people came out. They saw you. The real Bloodthirsty Prince.”
I nodded.
“And it looked like you’d destroyed the city. Again. You didn’t try to deny it.”
“Conreth…he attempted to protect me when our parents died. But he was my brother. No one truly believed him. Eventually, it was decided that it was to our kingdom’s benefit that our enemies believed I was truly the Bloodthirsty Prince.”
“Who decided?”
“What do you mean?”
“Conreth decided, didn’t he? He liked the idea of making you into a monster and pointing you at his enemies. He didn’t care about what it would do to you to have everyone tremble at the thought of you coming for them.”
I sighed. “It was a strategic move, wildcat. Regner likely regrets the reputation he created. Over the years, we’ve found his spies, stolen his most trusted advisers, and my reputation has given us access to information we wouldn’t have otherwise had.”
She glowered back at me. “I don’t care.”
“Prisca.”
“I don’tcare, Lorian. His job was to protect you. Instead, he sent you away at just nine winters old, all alone, throwing you the occasional treat to keep you loyal. Gods, I wish someone had saved you from him.”
I stared at her. Strange emotions were warring inside me. Tenderness, fury, confusion. I wanted to block out her words, and yet I could also see the logic she was using. “That’s not what he did.”
She bared her teeth. “That’sexactlywhat he did. He was your brother, and it was his job to put you first.”
I sighed. To Prisca, the people she loved were everything. She couldn’t comprehend making strategic decisions that would make their lives more difficult, even if it benefited her and her people. I would do everything I could to protect her from those decisions, even as I knew, by the end of this war, she would have to make them anyway.
The strange sickness that had been burning in my gut disappeared, and I pulled her into my arms.
I’d been my brother’s monster for my entire life, for the good of our kingdom. I didn’t regret it, but some part of me had mourned the man I might have become. A man who was gentle and tender and patient. A man who didn’t burn to possess this woman.
She knew the worst parts of me, and instead of running, she was trembling against me. Trembling with rage. If she could, she would make my brother pay. He was her only hope for an ally, and she would hold this grudge. She would nurture it until the time was right. I knew her well enough to know that much.
My heart warmed. Prisca didn’t understand my brother’s actions because she was made of loyalty. If she chose to take her throne, those around her would try to change her. They would try to harden her. To make her into a monster like me.
I would do whatever it took to protect her from that.
“Who and what I am was solidified that night. I was the vicious Bloodthirsty Prince who destroyed Crawyth. And I’ve never cared about that title before now. I’ve used it to make my enemies cower, to make those who would threaten the fae lands run for their lives. I’ve never worried about the look of horror on a woman’s face before. Until now.”
She watched me, her eyes seeing more than they should. As they always did. “You cared. You just shut out that part of yourself.”
I pulled her close and held her for a long moment. Eventually, I lifted my head. “The sooner I talk to him, the sooner he will leave.” I wanted to get it over with, so I could spend more time with Prisca, just like this.
