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My gaze drifted to Sav, and I noticed her staring at us. She had a stern look on her face. I mouthed the words “Are you ok?” but she just gave me a long blink and looked away.
I thought back to her words that night.“Why not me? You sleep with every other woman in town, but I’m not good enough? What do they have that I don’t?”
Those words crushed me. Gutted me.
That night four years ago, I’d felt like Sav saw me the way Anna did. Like I was a ride, and it was her turn. It had messed with my mind. Sav wasn’t and would never be someone I just wanted to hook up with. She was special to me, and I wanted to be special to her too.
As I stared at her across the table, watching her laugh easily with Lucas, I wondered what she really felt about me.
And I refused to get my hopes up that it was anything like what I felt for her.
8
SAV
I knewfrom the moment I met Anna that she didn’t like me. The last time she visited, she called my personal style dull and boring. Nicole had defended me and told her to shut up and stop being so mean, but the poor first impression had set in.
The glare she sent me when I walked into the house with Chris tonight stood out. Sean was embarrassing me with his overly affectionate way of joking, and she glared daggers in my direction. It wasn’t long before she asked Chris questions from across the living room, trying to talk over Lucas and me, but Chris gave her short responses and didn’t engage. He stayed right by my side, which had been both comforting and unpleasant.
I had no idea what was bothering him. I also wasn’t going to miss out on my chance to talk to a published author. Lucas was attractive and kind, and I was glad he’d be my partner through the following events because he made me feel welcome and comfortable.
Brian wouldn’t have been terrible either. We had never been close, but he wasn’t a jerk to me or anything. He was relatively kind and inclusive. And he had a great sense of humor. A lot like Chris.
Lucas had kept our conversation flowing throughout dinner, and I should have kept my focus on him. Instead, I continuously glanced at Anna and Chris across the table. I watched him saying things while she thumbed something into her phone. He probably gave her his number.
He smiled politely at her, but the gesture never fully reached his eyes.
She kept leaning into him, brushing her large breasts against his arm, and I felt physically sick.
Being around Chris would give me an ulcer with how often my stomach tightened. Since our almost-kiss at the bookstore, I thought about him constantly. I was getting obsessed, and I didn’t have the time or energy for that.
I’d missed half of what Nicole said because I’d been too hyper-focused on Chris, attempting to read his expressions from across the table. I was antsy and wanted an excuse to leave, but I didn’t have any good reasons. I needed to stick it out for Sean.
As soon as everyone had finished eating, Sean wanted to move the party to the living room. Anna and Laura were staying the night, so they were willing to host everyone a little longer to entertain their guests. I saw it as a perfect opportunity to leave, so I hugged and said goodbye to the happy couple. I grabbed my stuff before walking out into the cold, wet night.
I pulled my phone out of my purse, ready to update Penny on the last two days’ events. The baby was sick, so she’d been busier than usual and not as available. She didn’t know about the almost-kiss yesterday. I was waiting until our next lunch meeting to fill her in, but I needed help.
I was quickly falling right back into being the woman I was all those years ago. Obsessed with Chris. Watching his every move. Feeling jealous of the women he talked to. It was so stupid. I was backsliding badly. Exactly as I’d feared I would.
I made it halfway across their yard before I heard a familiar voice.
“Sav, wait!” Chris yelled.
I twisted around in time to see him leap over the three stairs. His boots skidded to a stop right in front of me. Our toes touched. His eyes were stormy rain clouds, darting back and forth as if he were searching into the depths of my soul.
What was he looking for?
“I’m heading home,” I said, separating myself from him and continuing my walk to my car. A newly established friendship did not mean allowing reignited crushes or weird mind games. I called over my shoulder, “I’ve got to be at the store early tomorrow.”
“Wait,” he repeated, racing past me to stand in my way.
I sighed heavily, throwing my arms up in defeat. “What? Why are you chasing me?”
“Why did you leave without saying goodbye?” he countered. “I thought our heart-to-heart changed things between us, but I still don’t know where I stand.”
I blinked. Why was he worried about me when Anna was practically in his lap all evening?
My stomach soured at the feelings growing there. His attention had been like a showering rain over a sprouting garden. The buds were beginning to bloom, and it felt like too much. He took all the air out of the room without even trying, and I didn’t know how to hold myself steady.
