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“We need to clear the air,” I said. “I don’t want to keep hurting you like I have, but I need to know where we stand.”
Slowly, she nodded. “I agree. We should talk.”
After we went inside, I told her, “Go sit down,” I said. “I’ll get us something to drink.”
She did as I asked, kicking off her shoes and fidgeting in her seat on the couch. I returned with two glasses of water and handed her one. “Thanks,” she said, her voice sounding distant as if she were nervous. “I thought you were going to hand me something stronger,” she joked.
The corner of my mouth lifted in amusement as I sat beside her. “Not tonight. I want us to be of sound mind tonight so we can’t blame anything on being tipsy or buzzed.” I looked down at my water glass. “I’m sure Lucas bought you some expensive wine. He seems like the type.”
She snorted. “Yeah, he did. He was a gentleman. I had a great time.”
I sighed, loosening the grip that had tightened around my glass. It was good that she had a night out. She deserved it after all the hard work she’d put in, just like Jackson said. I needed to remind myself that she came home alone tonight which meant I still had a chance.
“That’s good,” I forced myself to say. I glanced at her, and she gave me a genuine smile that made my stomach clench.
I looked her in the eyes as I admitted the truth. “I’ve always cared about you, Sav.”
She stared at me for a long moment. “I’ve always cared about you, too.”
I shook my head, struggling to communicate my feelings. “That’s not exactly what I mean.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “Okay… so…”
“I have feelings for you,” I blurted. “I’ve had them for a long time, but I always pushed them down so it wouldn’t threaten our friendship. After what happened when you came back from college, I didn’t know how to react. What about Sean? And what if I gave into my feelings and it didn’t work out? Then what? Jackson is like a grandpa to me too, so would I lose everyone?”
She frowned. “What? No, you wouldn’t. You would never lose me.”
“But I did,” I said.
She flinched, a wounded look on her face.
“I did lose you,” I repeated. “Last Saturday, I got scared. You were hurting and sad, and I didn’t want either of us to feel like I’d taken advantage of that. That wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.”
She nodded slowly. Her focus moved to her fingers as she fiddled with a loose fabric from her throw pillow. “It felt like how it was all those years ago. I thought I was stupid for believing even for a second that things were different this time. Even though I know you prefer the casual, easygoing type who spend one night and then you never see them again.”
I couldn’t stand the way she avoided my eyes during this conversation. I put my fingers under her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look into my eyes. Her forest green eyes were damp.
“Sav, what I feel for you is too big for one night. I wouldn’t be able to walk away from you. That’s not how it would happen.”
She swallowed thickly. “How would it happen?”
I brushed my thumb along her skin, skating up to feel her plump bottom lip. She let me, keeping her focus zeroed in on my mouth. “With purpose,” I said. “Carefully. With sound mind. All in. I wouldn’t be able to do this halfway with you, and I wouldn’t want that. And I think I finally understand that you wouldn’t want that either.”
She blinked rapidly, shaking her head a little. “I wouldn’t. That was never what I wanted, Chris.”
I mustered up all my courage to ask, “What did you want?”
I could see the hesitation in her eyes. I knew Sav well enough to know the gears were spinning as she tried to figure out whether to put a stop to this right now or to answer my question.
Finally, her the corners of her mouth tilted up, and relief flooded through me.
“You,” she said.
My pulse kicked up speed. She looked so vulnerable as she said it, her chin quivering a little.
“I just wanted you,” she repeated, “and I wanted you to want me, instead of the dozens of women you went with instead, you incredible dumbass.”
We both laughed, the tension broken.
