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I cleared my throat, placing my phone face down on the surface. “Yeah, everything’s good. It can wait.”
We talked more about the plans for the bookstore. Sitting there in a space so similar to Sav’s idea helped me get a feel for the vibe she wanted. Her space would be a little less formal, a little less bartender-in-suit, and more Bohemian and laid back, like her. But it still helped Melanie and I settle on a design and a plan for getting it done.
All the way back to Carswell, I thought about the text I’d ignored, knowing I needed call him as soon as I could to see what was going on. I decided to assume it was Best Man business and to try to sound chipper and normal when I called Sean later.
32
SAV
Although it wasmy day off, I was lonely and bored at home, so I decided to go out and stop by the store before getting lunch with Penny. We hadn’t seen each other much over the last couple of weeks, and I needed to fill her in on everything that had happened.
I turned into the downtown square, looking for a parking spot closest to the store. Chris was getting into his truck. I lifted my hand to wave, about to honk my horn, when I saw a woman getting into the passenger side.
Melanie.
They were both smiling and talking as he backed out of the spot.
I’d promised myself that I’d stop being paranoid, that I’d believe in Chris and not make stupid assumptions.
Apparently, I’d lied to myself when I made that promise. Old fears and insecurities rose up into my throat, and my eyes tingled.
No. I was not going to cry.
I didn’t know why he kept seeing this woman, but he’d introduced me to her. There couldn’t be anything going on. Chris would never have kissed me and then introduced me to someone he was having an affair with.
I could tell myself those things all day long, but I’d seen them together now. I was going to obsess about it and revisit all my old feelings about Chris over the four years that we barely spoke. All the hurt I’d felt, the betrayal, the lack of trust. Those would come back and try to convince me I’d been right all along if I didn’t do something about it.
I needed to see for myself where they were going and what they were doing. I considered this an improvement since I was investigating instead of jumping straight to being angry with him, but it still felt bad to be questioning him at all.
I had three options. I could follow them and confess to it later once I discovered nothing was happening between them. I could go into the bookstore as I’d planned and resolve to trust Chris and not question his devotion to me. That option would leave me feeling like a fool if it turned out later that I was wrong. It also meant I’d probably worry and keep waiting for that to happen.
Or I could follow them and find out they were having an affair. It would crush me, but at least I wouldn’t have to wonder anymore.
Guiltily, I followed them. I had to know.
Penny’s voice rang in my ears. How can you love someone you don’t trust? They go hand in hand, Sav. She’d said that to me years earlier, when I’d gone to her crying about Chris. She was trying to convince me that I didn’t love him because I didn’t trust him.
She later admitted that she thought I loved him, but she also thought that if I could stop believing that, I’d be better off.
I took the next turn and headed back to the store. And the memory of how I felt when he rejected me four years earlier ran in a loop through my mind. I got back on the main road and followed them, despite the guilt I felt about it.
The cars between us started disappearing, turning off the highway once we were fifteen minutes out of town. I had to drive slowly to avoid him seeing me in his rearview mirror, letting cars pass me so I wouldn’t be directly behind him.
I followed them all the way to Mayberry only to watch his truck disappear into the parking garage of The Brimstone.
They’d gone half an hour out of town to a hotel.
I didn’t follow them into the garage. I didn’t need to. I pulled over on the street until I felt like I had control of myself.
I considered waiting right there to watch the garage until they came out, then following them back to Carswell so I could see them when they got out of the truck. Would it be obvious that they’d been together? Would her skirt be on crooked, or his shirt be wrinkled?
But why torture myself. I was already going to imagine it all without needing to see anything.
I had a good cry while I was parked on the street, then I wiped my faced with tissues and drove back to the bookstore.
I wanted to see Grampa. Tell him what I fool I’d been and get one of his bearhugs that made me feel safe and protected.
Sean was there, standing stiff on his side of the counter. Grampa stood behind it, hands on his hips. They looked like they were arguing about something.
