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“You’ve been on your own… Since you were nineteen?”
Her mouth forms a straight line as she shrugs.
I dart around the table and sit beside her, grabbing her hands and squeezing them too hard as tears leak out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ruby,” I say, desperately wishing I could take the years back. “I didn’t know… I would have helped you. I would have gotten you… I…”
I drop my head in shame. Is there anything in my life I haven’t fucked up?
Maybe if I had kept in touch with Angela, maybe if I… Fuck. It was always too hard. It was easier to drown out the memory of Derek in a bottle than it was to face it. It was easier to hide up here than it was to stay and take care of his family.
“It’s okay,” she whispers as she gently touches my face. She pulls my head back up until I’m looking into her watery eyes. “You’re here now. You’re helping me now.”
I swallow hard as I stare at her beautiful face through my blurry vision. She’s stunning.
She’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen.
After all the shit she’s been through, she still manages to have an angelic wholesome way about her. The way she’s looking up at me… It’s so innocent. So pure.
Those plump lips…
That sultry body…
She has no idea how tempting she is.
I squeeze my eyes shut and curse myself out.
This is not the way to repay your best friend. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for you and here you are lusting after his daughter like a creep when she needs your help.
I grit my teeth as my heart pounds with self-loathing.
You’re a fucking monster. You’re as bad as the guys who took everything from her. Even worse since she trusts you.
I dart up off the couch and open my eyes. I stare at the floor, not trusting myself to look at the devil’s temptation in front of me.
“You must be tired,” I say in a cracked shaky voice. “I’ll run you a bath and set you up in the spare bedroom. The mattress is decent. I don’t think it’s ever been used so…”
She takes my hand. Her skin is so fucking soft.
I try to keep my eyes off her, but they won’t fucking listen. My heart squeezes as I stare down at her in awe. She’s looking up at me with so much trust in those tear-stained blue eyes. If only she knew what I was thinking… She’d be sprinting back to her car and racing down the mountain to get away from me.
“Thank you, Jack. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’ve been doing just fine without me all this time,” I say, still hating that I wasn’t there for her. “You would have figured something out. You’re the strongest person I know, Ruby. With all you’ve been through… I know Navy SEALs who couldn’t have made it through what you have.”
She smiles sadly at me.
Those beautiful eyes drop to my hand that she’s still holding. She runs her thumb over my bruised knuckles and then looks back up at me.
“Car accident?”
I pull my hand away and take a deep breath. “I’ll get that bath going.”
My breath is lodged in my chest until I’m in the bathroom with the door closed. I turn the bath on and then drop to the floor, not quite knowing what hit me.
I hang my head between my legs as so many conflicting thoughts spiral through my head like a tornado.
I want her. I need her.
And I hate that I fucking do.
She’s just a kid, a part of me says.
She’s not a kid anymore, another darker part of me answers.
The hot water fills the tub as I drop my head into my hands, angrier at Derek than I’ve ever been.
Why? I ask him as my veins flow with fury. Why didn’t you let me die?
You could have been here for her.
Instead, she has me.
And what do I have to offer this angel?
What good is still left in a broken man like me?
Chapter Four
Jack
She’s in the bath…
“Don’t think about it,” I mutter to myself as I storm into the kitchen. “Don’t you even fucking think about it.”
I head right for the cupboard where I store my liquor. I had my last sip of alcohol at the bar.
I’ll never touch the poison again.
I yank off the cork of my half-empty bottle of Scotch and turn it upside down in the sink. The Whiskey goes next. Then the Vodka. Then the Tequila.
Glug, glug glug… All of them, down the drain.
I grit my teeth as I watch the dark liquid circle the drain before disappearing down it.
“I’ll never drink another drop as long as I have an angel to protect,” I whisper, vowing it to her, to the heavens, and to myself. I’m not going near the stuff ever again.
