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He murmured to himself. I could tell he wanted to agree with me.
“I can’t feel guilty about this. It’s what was meant to be.”
“Yeah. That’s how it is.”
Together, we’ll find a way to tell my brother this. To try to make him understand. It’s not fair for us to carry this on our conscience.
But he’s still my brother. Still Jennings’ best friend.
Nothing is ever easy. Why would I expect love to be?
7
JENNINGS
We awake, both checking our phones for news on Danny.
As much bliss as we had with one another, our tryst pushed the fog of lust far enough away that we could remember what we’re worried about elsewhere.
But the desire to keep having her, to enjoy her endlessly for the rest of the day? God, it’s strong. It’s so strong. Waking up next to her, seeing her beautiful self right there, ready to be taken? It’s a Herculean task to stop myself from embracing her right then and there, damn everything else that’s happening.
But I persevere. I get up. I make her breakfast. We clean ourselves up, and then I drive her home so she can change and check in with her parents.
Then I go to the hospital alone.
I have no doubt that June is worried about Danny too. They’re not estranged siblings. She cares about him immensely, and he cares right back. His anger was rooted in love, even if that love was applied in the most thoughtless way possible.
I don’t share blood with Danny. I feel as if I’m more easily turned away, more easily hated. So now more than ever, I want to mend those fences with him. I care about him too, but we also have to make something clear between one another – that I absolutely will not give June up based on some weird big brother zealousness of his.
I sit in the waiting room and do what’s expected there – I wait.
I fiddle with my phone. I read some magazines that are horribly out of date. I watch the TV that’s stuck on some news channel going on about some celebrity bullshit.
I want news about Danny. I want to be there when he wakes up in the morning and is able to take visitors.
Eventually, my perseverance pays off. A nurse comes out and meets me. “Mr. Rowdy? Daniel is ready to take visitors now.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
I follow her through the maze-like halls of the hospital and finally walk in to see my friend for the first time since the accident.
“Let me know if you need anything,” the nurse says as she leaves us be.
I approach him, seeing Danny exhausted and glazed over. “How are you feeling, man?”
“Like a bull whipped my spine against a steel pole.”
“Sounds about right.” I pull up a chair. He looks about how he says he’s feeling, his eyes hinting that the drugs they gave him are really quite good.
“Where’s June?”
“She’s coming by later. I just wanted to be here to see you first.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because I wanted to apologize for what happened.”
He scowls. I think the drugs have also allowed him to forget why he was angry at me, even if only for a moment. “For going behind my back and macking on my little sister?”
I shake my head. “Nah. Nothing like that. I’m not going to apologize for how I feel, Danny. I can’t apologize for wanting your sister.”
“Then what are you apologizing for?”
“That you had to find out like that. I know it must have come as a shock, and June and I would have preferred that you didn’t find out in a way that made you so angry.”
He crosses his arms. “You shouldn’t have been messing around with my sister, Jennings. You know better than that.”
“I swear to you that you walked in on more than just our impulses getting the best of us, Danny. We’re serious about each other, and we weren’t trying to put anything over on you. She’s wanted me for years, and I’ve felt the same. Yet we both held ourselves back because we were worried about what it might do to you.”
“Break my fucking back, apparently.”
“I never imagined it’d be that extreme.”
“It got into my head. I went out there and rode angry. I was careless. I needled the bull more than we usually do, and he took his revenge accordingly.”
“Both of us feel terribly guilty about that.”
“You shouldn’t. It was my dumb fault for not clearing my head before doing something stupid and dangerous.”
“Yeah, well, not blaming ourselves is easier said than done. June and I care a whole lot about you, Danny. We’re not out to do things that hurt you.”
He closes his eyes for a moment, seems like he’s riding out a wave of pain – physical or emotional, though? “You could have fooled me. Even as I’m laid up here, though, I’m still worried about someone coming and breaking my little sister’s heart. Someone just seeing her as a conquest, not as a woman worth respecting and loving. You know how much I adore her, and how much I love her.”
