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When did I become this pathetic, God?
Hallie mustered a smile even as she felt herself drowning in a sea of hopelessness. "I just remembered there's, um, this surprise I was preparing for tonight's dinner."
MJ, snuggled against her tall, leonine husband, straightened at Hallie’s words. "Really?"
"Yup!"
“But you don't know how to cook,” the President’s wife said dubiously.
“That’s what you think,” Hallie lied, “but it’s actually one of the many things I learned while I was living independently in Tokyo.”
Lace’s gaze narrowed suspiciously. “Name one dish you know how to cook.”
“Sashimi?”
Yuki cleared his throat. “That’s, err, eaten raw.”
Hallie pretended not to hear that. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” And then she raced down the stairs before all the love in the air could end up suffocating her.
God, I hate myself.
Hallie escaped all the noise and the chaos through the back door, and it was only when she was alone, really truly alone, and with no one else seeing her—-that Hallie allowed the smile she kept pinned in place to finally fade.
I'm so tired, God.
A week had passed since she had last seen them.
A week since the board had voted for Andreus to retain his shares.
And in the entire week that had passed, Hallie had done everything she could to make her heart realize it was just plain stupid to keep pounding for its own murderer.
I really did try, God, You know I did.
But her stupid, stupid heart just wouldn't listen, and all Hallie had been able to do was pretend she was fine...when she was not. All the time she had spent working at her shop and Kalli's cafe, all the smiles she had given her family and friends, and all those jokes she had cracked—-
She had faked all of it.
Every word, every gesture, every breath she drew.
Everything had been fake, and none of it felt real except for her pain.
I just want all of this to end.
Hallie had steeled herself for the day she would see Andreus with his wife. And at that time, she had truly believed that it would be the beginning of the end, and that one look at them, and it would be the final nail to her heart's coffin.
So why, God?
That day was supposed to show her that Andreus was happy. That he was with a woman who loved him as he deserved. That day was supposed to give Hallie all the reasons to stop pining and move on.
So why God, why?
The only thing that day accomplished was to make Hallie hate and hate and hate. She hated the other woman for being a horribly heartless bitch to Andreus, and she hated herself for caring about it at all. But what she hated more than anything else was how Andreus hadn't defended himself at all.
Why, Andreus? Why?
He had always been proud. So, so proud, in fact, that there had been times it was his damn pride that would make her cry and break her heart. He was just so, so proud, but not once had she ever wanted him to change—-
Because I love him, God.
He was her heart. Her soul. And she had known from the very start that her love couldn't be real if she had wanted him to change.
So why, Andreus?
She didn't understand why he had to change at all. Didn't understand how he could be so, so proud with her but be the opposite with his own wife.
You were supposed to be happy with your choice.
That was the only way Hallie could've let go.
The only way she could've stopped loving him for good.
And yet—-
Chikushou.
Hallie hurriedly wiped the tears from her cheeks when she heard a car coming up to the storefront.
Get a grip on yourself, Hallie Athanas!
She was about to turn and go back the same way she had come when she heard an awfully familiar voice asking breathlessly, “How was it?”
Just go and pretend you didn’t hear anything!
But her inner self's advice was completely lost on her, and Hallie was already moving forward in a suicidal attempt to take a peek.
“It was nice.” And of course this other voice was just as heartbreakingly familiar, and her fists clenched against her sides at the sound of it.
Whatever it is they're going to talk about, you know it's only going to hurt you, so why listen?
More well-meaning advice, but all the words might as well be uttered in Bengali.
Just go, Hallie! Just go! Last chance!
But instead, Hallie found herself doing the opposite.
I'm so sorry, God.
She took a peek, and it was just like seeing Andreus for the first time all over again, with the way her whole body trembled as her helpless gaze roamed over every tall, dark, and handsome inch of him.
God, I'm sorry.
Her eyes started smarting as she took in the silky ebony sheen of his hair, and she remembered how soft they felt under her fingers.
