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“After those little love taps? Not even close.”
He laughs, sighing. “I know you think what we have is temporary, but I’ve been having this dream lately. You and me, living in a house we buy together outside of the city. A big house with a huge lawn.”
“That sounds surprisingly okay,” I say, a little uncomfortable that my immediate reaction isn’t horror. I should put an end to this dream—it’s only going to end in misery—but I let him keep talking.
“We’d have a housekeeper, a private chef. Multiple dogs, but absolutely no cats.”
“At least one cat,” I amend.
He grunts. “Fine. One cat that lives outside.”
I smile to myself. The bastard is such a softie for me. “Indoor cat. You’ll love him.”
“Most of all, we’ll have children. Five children. Three nannies. A host of nurses and helpers. But we’ll create our own little brood.”
I wriggle against him, eyes open wide as my heart pulses into my throat. “You want five?” I ask. “Who the hell is having all these babies?”
He must think my nervous tone is fear of having a bunch of kids, but it’s more that I’m already starting on number one, but he doesn’t know it yet. “Don’t worry. You can handle it. We’ll have the best doctors.”
“No, it’s just—” I stop myself. How can he start talking about children? Why is this man, this mobster, this gangster, why is he talking about having kids?
He wants to be a father.
Meanwhile, I’m doing my best to keep that away from him.
I keep thinking he’s the monster, but what if I’m wrong? What if I’m the monster here?
I’m pregnant and he doesn’t know it, but I’m pretty sure if I told him, he’d be ecstatic.
Guilt crushes me, sudden and intense.
“I understand. It’s too soon to be discussing children.” He kisses my neck. “But I’m thinking about it.”
“Yeah,” I say, feeling distant and strange. “I’m sure you are.”
He grumbles something as he pulls me closer. I let him hold me, but I can’t enjoy it anymore. The post-sex bliss is blown away by the sudden rush of adrenaline, fear, and uncertainty.
What would happen if I told him now?
But I already know. He wouldn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t even be angry.
He’d do something so much worse.
He’d never let me get away.
No more five-month clause. No more escape.
I close my eyes, breathing deep to keep myself steady.
When he finds out, he’s going to be so happy.
Then I’m going to break his heart when I divorce him.
Chapter31
Nolan
I’m wary of this dinner invitation from Carson’s wife, but I know better than to turn it down. Besides, it’s obvious Keely wants to go, even if she’s been distant all day long. I suspect my family talk freaked her out, which is understandable. She still hasn’t acclimated to the idea that our marriage isn’t ending anytime soon.
