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"This again, Olivia?" He looks frustrated, and I don't blame him. Even after Adrian left, I fought with my dad, trying to get him to take back his ultimatum, which still haunts my mind - Adrian or him. How could I choose between the two most important men in my life? But I still tried, over and over, to get him to see reason.
"Dad, I love him," I whisper.
He stops and puts down his coffee, thinking deeply. He uses his forefinger and thumb to scratch his beard and then says, "I know. I know how difficult it can be to not be with someone you love."
I look at him, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
He sighs and looks away from me. "Before I met your mom, I was in love with someone else. But we broke up, and I thought I'd never love again. But look now - it was the best thing that happened to me. Because then I had your mother and you and Grace."
For once, he looks directly into my eyes as he continues, "So if it doesn't work out for you and Adrian, yes, it will hurt for a while, but you will find someone better - just like I did."
He gets up and walks off.
I'm left in tears yet again.
I take a deep breath and wipe the tears off my face. I get dressed with a heavy heart; every step feels like I've got boulders on my feet. Feeling utterly miserable, I want to get into bed, but I can't. I have to go in to work and face the reality of not being able to be with Adrian anymore. But somehow, deep inside, there's this small spark of hope - that maybe Adrian will figure it out, and that I don't have to choose between him and my dad after all.
When I walk into the office building, I take each step slowly as though I'm trying to buy more time from the universe. When, in fact, I'm just trying to cheat the situation.
At last, with a few deep breaths, I knock on Adrian's door.
"Come in," I hear his deep, sultry voice. With all the courage I can muster, I open the door.
He looks up from his desk with a troubled face. His dark hair is neatly tousled, and he's wearing a navy suit with a loose tie. How had I not noticed that his chiseled jaw has taken on some salt-and-pepper hues? Did that happen overnight? But his deep green eyes are still as handsome as ever. Even though he looks tired and stressed, I'm overcome with happy tears, and suddenly I have trouble forming any words.
He looks like he can sense my feelings because he gradually stands up and reaches out for me. He pulls me in close and gives me a long hug that radiates contentment, acceptance, and love. Being in those arms feels like home again, and I never want it to end.
But too soon, he has to let go. He looks down into my eyes, and for a moment, I see a flicker of pain in his eyes that matches my own - the pain of two people who want the same thing but can never make it work. Two people who clearly want to be together yet have to stay apart.
And then just as swiftly, he hides it all away and gives me an encouraging smile instead. "We’ll be okay," he says softly. "All we need is time to figure this out.”
I pause for a moment before adding with a sad smile, "Does that mean you don't have a solution as yet?"
He shakes his head, and in this moment of complete vulnerability, we just look at each other with understanding. We don't need words anymore; our connection speaks volumes already.
Haunted by the burden of change, we can no longer be the carefree selves we were. After all, the reality of my father's disapproval still remains. I break our gaze and stare at the ground. I know this is a long shot, but my heart is foolish enough to hope otherwise.
He gives me that same warm, look again - the one that I don't know how I'll survive without - and says, "Olivia, we’ll convince him with time. I swear.”
And then it hits me - I can't be near him anymore without being in pain. So much for his encouraging words; there's no solution after all. If I am to stay and work next to him, I would always just want to reach out and touch him, bury my face in his neck, and to ask for that extra kiss or a night out in town. I'll be stuck somewhere between desire and anguish. I might tell my dad to take a hike, choosing one man over another.
I take a deep breath and look into his eyes once more before finally saying, "It looks like I'll need to find either a new job or transfer to another team - away from you. I ... I can't pretend everything is alright when it’s not," and with that, tears began pouring down my face.
He wipes them away gently, still holding me close, and whispers, "Come on Olivia, shhh. We just have to work together on this. We’ll be fine. Just have patience.”
I feel his strong embrace, the warmth of his skin, and inhale the mahogany scent of his cologne. I reach out and run my hands over his face; he leans in to kiss me - our lips ready to meet once again. This is it; one last goodbye kiss from me before the permanence sets in place.
Our lips interlock, and I can sense his sadness in this lingering kiss. We both know this is for the best - for us both to move on with our lives away from each other - but it doesn't make it any easier. Not when he feels so good. I want to melt into his arms, feel his naked skin against mine ... one last time. I yearn for him, and he’s just asked me to wait.
"Patience?" I ask, staring up at him. I don't know what I look like right now, but I imagine I'm a doe-eyed mess. “I don’t have patience, Adrian. Choose now. Choose to be with me.”
“Of course, I want to be with you, Olivia. I want to be more than just with you. I want to freaking have a goddamn future with you. But that means your father will need to be a part of it too. I promise we’ll figure this out together. We’ll bring him to our team soon. Let me just please look for a solution and see what I can find. Then, we’ll have all the time in the world.”
I shake my head. “The future seems so uncertain,” I say. “There is no we to figure this out,” I add, suddenly feeling angry for no reason. Then, panic sets in. “I can’t do this. I can’t wait on the sidelines. Just call me when you figure something out, okay?”
And then, I step away. I walk away. Because he’s the drug and if I don’t bring myself under control right now, I won’t be able to at all.
As I run out of his office, I have just one thought running through my mind. I fucked up. I shouldn’t leave him in the lurch like this. But, broken hearts have made people do things much worse. I just need to clear my head, and once I have that figured out, I’ll know the rest.
