Page 22 of If By Chance


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I was furious, but no one heard my pleas or my roars. I tossed them out, scream after scream until my throat burned, and my body was exhausted.

I eventually fell asleep, only for my tears to wake me again.

I cried because of the loss, because of the what-ifs, and because I couldn’t change any of it.

I missed my best friend.

I missed my sister.

I missed my mother even when she was standing next to me.

I hated myself for it, but a small part of me even missed my father.

I missed myself most of all.

So, this morning, when my car was packed with everything I needed, I turned to say goodbye to the people that have been with me every step of my life, and I cried harder than I’ve cried since the day the piano key gave up on me.

“I ch…change my mmm…mind. I don’t want…want to go.” I sobbed, stuttering over my words.

Garry cupped my face, pressing a chaste kiss to my forehead. “Yes, you do. You need to go. Besides, you have tenants moving into your house tomorrow.”

I worked hard to buy that house. It’s small, but it’s mine, and I hate to think other people are going to make it their own.

“You’re going to be amazing. I love you, and we’ll see you soon,” he said, squeezing my arm supportively.

I replied with more snot and tears.

Mandy and I said goodbye with a wordless hug, both too choked up to form sentences. We didn’t need to. We already knew.

Mandy is like another sister, and sisters always know.

I left pieces of myself with them, the hole in my chest ripping wider. I’m stepping into the unknown, and it’s a scary place to be without company.

The women’s shelter is in the suburbs of the city, and only thirty minutes from my hometown of East Fort. I’m afraid being so close to where I grew up will ignite something in me, and not the type of flame I crave. It’s a place where I left my dark shadows, and if they come back to haunt me, I might break just like the old piano.

“Well, if it isn’t my long-lost sister.” My sister rushes from the front step of my mother’s house, jostling me out of memory lane. Arms already outstretched as I exit my car, I open the gate, and she pulls me to her.

“You’re so dramatic, Amy. We spoke last night, and I was here two weeks ago.”

Her embrace is tight, and she sways with me in her arms. “I can’t believe my favorite baby sister is finally moving home.”

I’ll still be thirty minutes away, but it’s closer than the three-hour drive to Penrith.

“Believe me, either can I. And I’m your only sister,” I breathe as she pulls back and squeezes my arms. “Where’s Mama?”

“She’s pruning.” Amy spins around and points at a rosebush. My mother’s legs are poking out.

“She has her headphones in.”

My mother enjoys getting lost in her own world. Walking to her side, I remove the headphones from her ears and kiss her cheek. “Hey, Mama.”

She grabs my hand on her shoulder but doesn’t look up.

She never does.

“Hey, Claire Bear.”

The nickname makes me smile.

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