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“You’re not safe here, Mama. You need to go. He’ll find you.”
Every feature on her face drops. Everyone’s eyes are on me.
“Jesus,” she trails off. “Baby girl, what have they done to you?”
“You need to go, Mama. Please.” The panic is rising, slowly wrapping dark claws around my lungs and suffocating me.
“She’s going to have a panic attack.” I don’t know who says it, but they’re right.
Or the break is coming.
I’m balancing on a tightrope, and every second I’m closer to plummeting into blackness.
“Claire,” Mama shouts. “He’s not here. You’re in Jake’s kitchen. You’re safe.”
Everyone keeps telling me that.
My eyes dart around. Jay-Jay’s drawings are still on the fridge. Amy’s drinking a cup of coffee. Mandy and Garry look like they want to pick me up and disappear with me. I wouldn’t object.
Jake is closer now, ready to wrap me back up in his arms if he needs to. He looks broken.
Like me.
But she’s right. I’m not back there.
I blow out a breath and inhale deeply, filling my burning lungs. My hands are seizing up, my knuckles turning white.
“He’s here.” I shake my head, letting her know I’m okay. “Not here. Not in this house, but he’s here.”
She rests her hands on my arms, steadying me. “I know. I’ve always known. I should have told you sooner, but you left. You built a life somewhere else, and I knew you wouldn’t settle if you knew he was so close. I didn’t realize you would have direct contact with him in your job.”
She’s safe.
He didn’t hurt her.
I run my fingers through her hair, my heart filling as I realize. “You’re looking at me, Mama.”
I’m broken just like her now—sentenced to an endless winter. Yet, she looks like summer. She’s healthy like I remember when I was younger. There’s an extra curve in her waist, color in her cheeks, and no glossiness in her eyes. They’re clear. She’s not drinking. Her hair is longer than mine now.
For the first time, I see a lot of myself when I look at her.
She’s getting better.
Maybe I can too.
But with my words, she ruptures. Tears flow like a river. They’re endless. They’re filled with pain and regret. They’re apologies.
“It’s okay.” I hush her. “I know.”
She’s looking at me because she sees me. I can’t help but wish she didn’t.
There’s still a hollowness in my chest when we sit. Everyone chatters except Jake. He remains in the silence with me at my side.
I can’t focus long enough to know what they’re saying or if they’re talking to me. But I think they know I don’t want to talk.
Jake pushes the plate of uneaten food toward me. I swallow the bile in my throat. “Eat. You need to eat.”
I reach out and grab his hand, clinging to it like it’s the only thing keeping me planted to the ground.
