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I take Rhett and drive to Berea. We knock on the door of every bar and business in a five-mile radius of her old place, but no one knows anything. By the time night falls, I’m sick. My concern is so great I can’t even hate her for it. I only want her back. She’s got no money, and the world is a very unsafe place. Valentina may be cold, hungry, or scared. She may even be in danger. Without money, her only option is a backstreet abortion, and those don’t come without health risks. Feeling defeated, I get behind the wheel and drive to an unbearably empty home.
2
Valentina
The drive is strenuous. Because of the state of the car, it takes longer to cross the country at a slower speed than the legal limit. My back aches, and Charlie is getting restless, but after seven hours the lights of Durban finally come into view. Just as well. We’re almost out of fuel. I have no idea where I’m going. I’ve only been here twice on holiday with my parents as a child.
A sign indicates the beachfront. The main beach will be much too dangerous with the criminals hanging around. I opt for one in a suburb and follow the road to a dark and empty parking lot. We can’t stay here in full sight. It’s asking for trouble. After circling the parking once, I find a spot where I can drive off the tarmac under some overhanging trees. The hiding place isn’t perfect, but it will have to do. I can’t go another kilometer.
Charlie makes a lot of excited noise when he realizes we’ve reached our destination. I have to silence him like I did at home when we hid from the mob. Knowing he needs to stretch his legs after the long sit, I unlock the doors and help him crawl out from under the dense vegetation into the night. The tropical climate is warm and humid.
Hand in hand, we walk down the steep path to the beach. I use my penlight to illuminate our way, keeping vigilant and watching out for danger. You never know who lurks in the dark.
“Shh,” I say. “We’re not supposed to be on the beach at night. This is our secret, okay?”
Charlie nods enthusiastically. “Se–secret.”
We stop at the bottom of the stone path to take in the scenery. The moon shines over the water, casting a light over the white foam of the waves. I take a second to register the salty air and the crush of the water as it curls and breaks.
“Do you remember the ocean, Charlie?”
“Swi–swim.”
“It’s night.”
His tone becomes insistent. “Swi–swim.”
“Tomorrow, okay? It’s too risky at night.”
“Swi–swim!”
I take his arm. “First you need to sleep to build up your strength.”
I utter a sigh of relief when he allows me to lead him back up the path. Near the top, we climb over the sand, already wet from dew, to relieve ourselves in the dunes. Certain that the parking lot is still empty, I take him back to the car. For a second, he freezes.
“N–no.”
“We’re not going to drive anymore. I promise.”
He shakes his curls. “No–no.”
“Hey,” I nudge him with an elbow, “this is our big adventure. We’re camping.”
“Ca–camping.”
“Yes.” I take his hand and guide him back to the car. “Isn’t this exciting?”
I put the seats down and settle him in as best as I can, rolling my fleece into a pillow for his head and covering him with my jacket. When his soft snores fill the car, I allow my façade to drop. Pretending is exhausting. I don’t know if we’ll get through the night unscathed or where tomorrow’s food will come from, but worrying ahead is useless, so I simply focus on getting through the night.
Morning is surprisingly cold. I shiver in my T-shirt. My body aches from the uncomfortable position. Too wary of the possible dangers, I haven’t slept a wink. Charlie shifts, yawns, and gives me a bleary-eyed look.
I cup his cheek. “How did you sleep?”
He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t have to. The dark circles under his eyes say it all.
We crawl out from under the bushes. I bring my toilet bag from the car and find a garden tap at the top of the path to the beach where we can wash our faces and brush our teeth. I give Charlie the toothbrush I bought at Quick and help him with his grooming. Dressing behind a tree, I pull my bikini on under my dress and try not to think about the fact that Gabriel bought it for me. Charlie will have to swim in his underpants until I can make another plan.
“Hu–hungry.”
“Me, too.”
Not having enough money left for food, I let Charlie finish the apple from his snacks and fill up his empty soda bottle with water.
