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I could never lay my hands on someone I loved.
I wasn’t him.
I couldn’t be him.
But the fear always remained. “What if I’m more like him than I want to be?”
Skip shook his head. “You’re nothing like him. There was a darkness in your father even when we were teenagers. He made his choices. He had every opportunity in the world, but he chose the path with no way back.”
It’s a path I was walking down.
“I look at the way you are with your brothers, and I wish I had that with mine.” When he gets up, he takes a seat on the log beside me. “You did a great job with those boys. I’m not here to take your place, but it’s time to focus on doing what you want to do. Sometimes I forget because you’re already almost six foot and your shoulders are bigger than mine, but you’re still only a kid. Archer and Jaxson already look up to you. Is this what you want them to see? Is this what you want them to become?”
Shame swirled thick in my stomach.
“Is it?”
“No,” I breathed, swallowing the sticky lump in my throat.
“Be the big brother they need. Be the man they need. Show them all the things they could become.” Hand on my shoulder, he squeezed reassurance into my bones. “Give me and Cora a chance. We love you like our own. Just give us a chance.”
A chance.
I could do that.
I nodded and murmured an agreement I’m not sure he heard, but his shoulders relaxed as he reached for another beer.
And with one chance, everything changed. I got my life on track… for the most part.
What can I say, sometimes trouble finds me.
I was in college when Maria was born. There was a part of me that feared Skip and Cora having children of their own. I thought they might treat Archer and Jaxson differently for it.
Like everything else, it wasn’t what I was expecting. Maria brought everyone closer.
I don’t think she’s so happy about it. I can’t imagine having three protective older brothers is easy.
“Loggie.” A small hand pounding against the window snaps me out of yet another trip down memory lane.
Isabel slams her chubby hands against the glass again, propped up on Maria’s hip.
“Loggie, what are you doing in there?” Maria mocks.
I roll my eyes and get out before taking a giggling Isabel from her arms. Instantly, her head nuzzles into the crook of my neck, and my heart constricts in my chest.
I fill my burning lungs, and for the first time in days, I feel like I can breathe.
Now I just need to find the other one.
“Can’t a man have a minute to himself?”
“You’ve been in there for ages just staring into space.”
“Have you been watching me?”
“Yes,” she admits before tickling Isabel. “What did we say about Loggie?”
Isabel points her finger and twirls it around her temple. “Loggie, crazy.”
