Page 196 of It Should Have Been You

“I need to get something from my car. Just give me a minute.”

Before I can stop her, she opens the door and leaves through the shop, ignoring the sets of eyes following her and then back to me.

“Everything all right in there, boss man?” Kyle asks.

“Get back to work,” I bark.

I’m not in the mood.

Giving Beth what she asked for, I wait exactly one minute before moving, but she’s back before I even have a chance to leave the office. Shutting the door, she resumes her position with her back against it. Only this time she has that fucking journal clutched to her chest.

“I need you to understand something,” she starts, meeting my eyes and trapping me. She tucks her blonde waves behind her ears as she gathers herself. “In one night, ten years ago, you knew me as well as anyone because there wasn’t all that much to me. Nothing eventful had happened in my life up until that point. I didn’t have crazy stories to tell. I was average, living an average life.” I grit my teeth so hard I’m surprised I don’t crack a molar. She never was, and is not now, average. “There wasn’t much to me. What you saw is what you got.”

Endless tears stream like a river as she pounds a closed fist against her rib cage, a fractured sob echoing around the office.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

“I didn’t have this fucking pain.”

My chest cracks wide open because it’s exactly how she looks. Agony seeps from every tear and every word.

There’s a silence before she speaks again, and I feel every second like the countdown to a nuclear bomb. “For the most part, you know me now. But you didn’t know me for ten years.” She looks down at the journal and whispers, “You didn’t know her. You only know what that time made of me, and I feel like there’s this massive part of me missing when you look at me. Like I’m broken, and the pieces are scattered and buried beneath the weight of my past.”

She’s looking at me, but I can’t help feeling like she’s looking through me, too lost in her own memories to realize. Her eyes are lifeless, and I fucking despise it. I want to take that journal and burn it for good this time.

“I need closure. I needed to see it again,” she says, reading the murderous expression on my face. “At first, I thought it might be good evidence for when I finally found the opportunity to leave. In the end, it became something I hoped someone would find after his fist hit one too many times.”

Christ, she thought he was going to kill her.

Her fear is palpable, her body rattling, and I want to go to her, but I’m too afraid of my reaction if she flinches. Instead, it’s her that takes a step toward me, and the relief is visible. But she’s still too far away. I want to take her in my arms and carry her the fuck away from here.

“Logan, I’ll understand if you don’t look at this. I promise it doesn’t change anything. It’s just sometimes, I think you look at me in search of a missing part of me.” Her head drops so I grab her chin and tilt her head.

I see you.

She smiles, but it falters.

“There are things in here I will never speak of out loud. But the woman you’re searching for is in there. She explains a lot.” She rests the journal on my desk, her entire body relaxing when it’s out of her arms.

But it takes all my oxygen because I know if I open it, I’ll want to commit murder, and the only bastard I want to kill is already dead.

Pressing up on her toes, she places a devastating kiss to my cheek. When she turns to walk away, I know I should let her go, but fuck that. I can’t. Not without holding her first. I reach out and grab her wrist, gently pulling her back. She falls against my chest and ruptures, soundless sobs scraping against her throat.

Her legs give up. I just hold her a little tighter. “Hold on, baby. I’ve got you.”

It’s minutes, but not long enough because I don’t want to let her go. She straightens, running a hand through her hair.

Her mask is back on.

Cupping her face, I dry her cheeks with my thumbs.

“I’ll try.” It’s the closest thing I can offer.

With an understanding nod, she says, “I should go and get the girls. I promise, whatever you do, it’s completely up to you. I don’t expect anything.”

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