Page 35 of It Should Have Been You

I can’t do that. I’ll be tied to them forever.

I flinch when my mother touches my shoulder as she sips from her glass of wine in the other hand. “It will be good for you. The girls are getting older. You can finally go to law school.”

Older? Isabel only turned two.

“When you’re done, you can take Robert’s position at the firm,” Jared adds.

Did they concoct this plan together? My own mother? Whatever idea I had of her actually having a heart, evaporates.

And I finally cut the last thread.

I don’t want to be tied to her any more than I want to be tied to Rob’s family.

“Sounds like it’s all planned out,” I say, my voice strained around the lump in my throat.

“The girls can stay with us while you’re studying. Not full time, of course. But during the day,” Jared adds.

I try to bite my tongue. I really do, but the anger finally erupts.

I’ve had enough.

“No,” I snap. “I’m not going back to law school. I’m selling the shares of the business because your son is nothing but a stain on my life. He’s a ghost that haunts me in death just as much as he did when he was alive. I don’t want any part of it. And as for my children, they will not be staying with you. Now or ever. You already raised one monster.” A heavy tear threatens to fall but I wipe it away before it can. They don’t get to see me cry. “The girls don’t know who you are. Hannah hardly remembers you. You’ve never even met Isabel.”

With all eyes on me, the room falls into silence.

They don’t fight me on seeing the girls and that breaks my heart a little for them.

But they don’t argue with me about the business either and that scares me more than anything.

Jared finally stands. He’s a little shorter than his son, but no less intimidating. “Have you spoken to any reporters?”

“Reporters?”

Lie, Beth.

It’s not a lie exactly. I’ve only responded to an email from one, and in it, I told him to leave me alone.

“I haven’t spoken to anyone. Why?”

My husband’s death isn’t news anymore. They held a small funeral so the press couldn’t report that his wife and kids weren’t in attendance. We were insignificant, but Rob’s status as the son of a high-profile judge garnered some media attention, especially given the swirling rumors of his father’s potential nomination to the Supreme Court.

I was never even mentioned. Named only asThe Wife. No photos. Nothing.

I’m sure Jared pulled some strings to keep the circumstances surrounding my husband’s death out of the news.

But there’s always one.

Journalists aren’t journalists for nothing. They can smell when something is rotten. Buried stories will eventually come to light.

But for once, I agree with my father-in-law. This story can’t come out because this story isn’t about my husband. It’s about me. It’s about how I suffered at his hands.

I’ll be another headline and the judge will be disgraced for all of five minutes until everyone forgets, while I’ll walk around with something akin to a scarlet letter on my chest.

“You should know there’s someone sniffing around. I don’t know what they want or what they know, but they can’t run a story without corroboration. It’s best if you don’t speak to them.”

That’s not a suggestion.

It’s a warning.

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