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“Here you go,” she said as she set the mugs on the table. “Still take it black?”
“Absolutely. Thank you.”
After she sat down across from him, Kayleigh wrapped her hands around her mug but didn’t lift it.
After taking a sip from his mug, Hudson gave her a small smile. “It’s good to see you again.”
Shoulders slumping, Kayleigh couldn’t bring herself to lie, even if it would have been for the best. “It’s good to see you again too.”
“You don’t have to sound so excited about it.”
There was humor lacing Hudson’s tone that kind of surprised Kayleigh. He wasn’t presenting as a man who was struggling to cope with her rejection of him. Had Alexander been exaggerating what he’d seen in Hudson?
Or was Hudson just back to thank her for rejecting him because he’d gone on to find love with another woman?
The flowers didn’t seem to support that theory, but why else would he be back?
Taking a deep breath, Kayleigh straightened her spine and lifted her chin so she could look Hudson right in the eye, willing herself to say the words she needed to. The truth was that—right or wrong—she wanted very much to be excited to see Hudson again.
“I can’t afford to be excited.” She swallowed hard. “Nothing has changed.”
“Certain things haven’t changed,” he agreed. “But other things have.”
Kayleigh didn’t know what to make of that. “What hasn’t changed?”
“Well, the most important thing that hasn’t changed is how I feel about you.”
Oh, those words made her want to hold onto him tightly. Her feelings hadn’t changed either, but there was no way she could say that. It wouldn’t help the situation.
Kayleigh didn’t know how to respond. She was actually afraid that if she started to say something, the words she didn’t want to say—shouldn’t say—would come tumbling out. But staying silent was the hardest thing ever when there was so much she wanted to say to the man who held her heart.
“Whathaschanged is my heart,” Hudson told her.
“Your heart?” Her heart gave a leap at that revelation. She knew what she wanted that to mean, but was it even possible that that could be what it was?
“When I was around eight, my mom became a Christian, and from then on she took me to church all the time,” he said, instead of answering her question. “I was active in the youth group, and I was even baptized a couple of years before my mom died. But then she was taken from me, and I was ripped out of my mom’s life and dropped into Alexander’s. I was mad at God, and I wanted nothing to do with Him.”
“You never said anything about any of that,” Kayleigh said, glad to be getting this glimpse into his life, even though Alexander had already told her some of it.
Hudson shrugged. “Since I really had no plan to ever have anything to do with God again, I didn’t think it was relevant.”
“And do you still feel that way?”
“Not now,” he said. “But I left here angry that God was again keeping me from someone I cared for. He took my mom, and then He took you.”
“I get that.” Kayleigh paused, then added, “I’ve been a little angry at God myself.”
Hudson’s eyes widened. “You have?”
Kayleigh stared down at her mug, contemplating how much she should share. She hadn’t told anyone else about her struggle, but since she and Hudson were finally having a conversation, it felt like it was time.
“I was doing the right thing in denying myself a relationship with you, I knew that, but I wasn’t happy about it. Sticking to the rules has always been my thing. They don’t even have to make sense. I still obeyed them. Most of the time, that’s fine. This time…” She sighed. “This time, it’s been a struggle.”
“Have you talked to your family about it?” Hudson asked.
Kayleigh gave him an incredulous look. “Not a chance. My family has certain expectations of me. I’m not the one who needs help. I’m the one who helps.”
“Oh, I get that,” Hudson said. “But if I’ve learned nothing else these past few months, it’s that even the strongest person can need help at times.”
