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“I have never held something like this from you!”
“All right, you all need to simmer down now.” Fin got up as well. “You”—he pointed to Nash—“sit with your girl, and you”—he pointed to Ford—“sit in your chair and hug your dog. She’s upset with the raised voices.”
The brothers glared at each other but did as they’d been told. Ford patted his knee, and Kismet jumped up. The warm body reassured him. Bee rested on his legs.
“And this is why you don’t sleep well?” Luna asked gently.
“I sleep, just not all the time or consistently. Maybe three or four hours. I have nightmares, but they’ve stopped mostly. I’m just out of the habit now and can’t seem to break it.” He wouldn’t lie now. They knew what had happened, so there was no point.
“You never said anything, not once.” Maggie looked devastated.
“Tigger, you couldn’t have done anything.”
“I could have been there for you. Lain with you when you couldn’t sleep.”
“It didn’t start like that. I had flashbacks of the night, and then they turned into nightmares and I hated going to sleep.”
“I am so fucking angry with you right now!” Nash got to his feet again and paced. “The mighty Winter brother. The strongest of us all. So strong he went through this alone and needed no one.”
“It wasn’t like that!”
“What was it like then?” Nash came to stand before him. “You were hurting, you went through hell, and you couldn’t even turn to us. At least Maggie was an adult when she made dumb choices. You were a child!”
“I was nineteen, not a child, and I told you there was all the other shit going on at home. I didn’t want this on you too. Johnnie’s family supported me and helped me clean out my room and go home.”
“Oh, that makes it just swell, doesn’t it?” Nash growled. “Strangers supported you but not your family. The people who love you.”
Ford knew the words were right, but he’d done what he had because he’d wanted to protect his family.
“You’re the protector. The big strong Winter who looks after everyone.”
“Shut up, Nash.”
“I won’t shut up because you know what you did was wrong. You’ve lived with this for years, and you had nightmares, and chances are you still do. You don’t sleep.” His laugh held no humor. “I always had a laugh when I saw you leaning against a wall sleeping or in your horse’s stall. But it’s not funny now, is it?”
“Leave it.” Ford could feel his anger climbing. His fist clenched.
“Do it, because right now I really want to hit you,” Nash said.
He looked at his sister, who was crying in her man’s arms. Shattered. He’d wanted to protect them, and it had still come out. Ten years later, it still had the power to hurt.
“I did what I did to protect you because of the hell you were going through at home. I’m not apologizing for that.”
He took a last look at his brother’s cold, angry face and the tears that were now falling down his sister’s cheeks and walked away with his dog at his heels.
Chapter17
He heard the thunder start as he drove down his brother’s driveway.
He’d thought he’d been protecting them, and as the years had gone on, Ford had found more reasons not to speak up. He’d told himself it was too late to bring it up. It was in the past.
“And it’s all bullshit. You should have told them.”
By protecting them, he’d hurt them.
Another loud clap broke over his head, and he thought of her.
I don’t like thunder.
