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“Hey, E,” I say, and his shoulders stiffen. “I’m sorry about what I said. I—” I swallow hard, the words tasting bitter before I say them. “I didn’t mean it. It was just a heat of the moment—”
He turns toward me, his thick black brows low over his dark eyes. “You didn’t mean it?” My throat is too dry to swallow anything, and my body is wound too tight to speak. So I hesitantly nod. We stare at each other for a moment, then he turns back to his clothes.
“Did you want me to mean it?” I whisper, taking a small step forward. He pauses again, his hand halfway to a discarded shirt on the floor. I hold my breath as I wait for him to answer, but when half a minute goes by, I let it out and retreat back to the doorway.
Finally, he stands, his body tense. He turns toward me, his eyes shadowed as he stares at me.
“I don’t know,” he breathes. “I—it confused me.” My heart gallops, and my hands shake harder.
“Sorry,” I say again, but he shakes his head.
“I’ve always thought of you like a brother,” he says, and I nod in agreement. That’s what we’d always been, but somewhere along the way, my love for him shifted from platonic to something more. Something I couldn’t explain. “But when you said that—” He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. “I’ve thought a lot about it. I like girls.” I nod a few times, blinking the tears back. He opens his eyes, and they look as damp as mine. “But I like you, too.”
We stare at each other. The words I’ve wanted to say to him are totally lost to me. He looks terrified, like he’s scared of my reaction. I try to play it cool, like what he’s just admitted hasn’t shaken me to my core.
“Cool,” I say, then wince. His lips twitch, then a slow smile cracks his face, then he barks out a laugh. I can’t help the shy smile that spreads at the sound of that laugh.
“No wonder you’ve never dated anyone,” he laughs. “You’re shit at this.”
“I dated Amanda,” I say defensively, and he rolls his eyes.
“She sucked your dick twice. That’s not dating.”
“Yeah, but she did it while we were on dates. That’s dating.” He huffs out another laugh as he shakes his head.
“You have so much to learn, man,” he says. Slowly, his smile falls, and he clears his throat. “You never liked her, did you?”
“I did,” I say. “I, um, I like guys and girls.” I rub the back of my neck awkwardly. He nods a few times, his eyes flitting around the room as he thinks.
“So, what does that mean?” he asks, and I push my brows together in silent question. “I mean—what does that mean for me? I know I like girls—I like girls a lot—but I like you, too. I don’t know—” His voice sounds frantic, and I take a few steps toward him, anticipating him moving away from me, but he doesn’t.
“I think I’m bi,” I say honestly, the words still foreign to me. “You could be, too. Or maybe you just like who you like, regardless of gender.” I think about Ezra, and wonder if I could ask him to talk to Enzo about this. He’d know what to say more than me. “But you don’t have to label yourself, you know?” He nods a few times, looking unconvinced.
“Where do we go from here?” he asks, and I shrug.
“I don’t want to lose you as my friend,” I say quietly. His hands ball into fists at his sides. “If you’re unsure about your feelings, we can forget I said anything. We can just go back to how we were—”
“I’m not unsure about my feelings,” he says. “I’m—I’m scared of how people will react.” He sayspeople, but I know he means his father.
“We don’t have to tell your dad,” I murmur, risking another step toward him. “And if he finds out, I’ll protect you from him, E.” He nods a few times, his eyes wide as he stares up at me. “I’m here, you know that. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” he breathes, then squeezes his eyes shut. “What if—what if we figure out that we don’t work together? What—”
“We’ve been best friends since we were six,” I say. “I think if we weren’t going to work out, we would’ve already ditched each other.”
“But being friends is different from—from being more.” I take the last step to him. This is closer than I’ve ever stood beside him, but things are different now. Or I’m hoping they will be soon.
“If we decide we don’t work like that, then we’ll go back to being friends,” I say softly. “I need you in my life, even if we stay just friends forever. That’s okay. Don’t try to force yourself to feel anything you don’t because you’re scared you’ll lose me. You won’t. I’ll still be here.” His throat bobs as he swallows, then barely nods.
“Can we keep this a secret?” he whispers. “Just for a while. Until I’m ready—”
“Mom doesn't know,” I blurt. “Only Kiwi. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet, either.” He lets out a relieved breath, his shoulders falling slightly. “We can take our time.”
He lowers his eyes to my hands, his jaw working as he thinks. I don’t back away, and I won’t until he tells me to.
“Can I touch you?” he whispers.
I swallow my excitement down as I rasp, “Yes.”
