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Turning, I stared at her. Her eyes were drooping, and her head kept falling to the side. I knew she was exhausted, and I knew the second I got out of the car, she’d find a second wind and would start the fit again.
I didn’t have a choice, I reminded myself. I had to do this. I had to put my foot down and take her inside.
But I was glued to my seat.
Finally, I took a deep breath and slipped outside. Surprisingly, she didn’t start screaming as I opened her door. Instead, she looked up at me with these sad, empty eyes that were a million times worse than any tantrum.
“I’m sorry, Em,” I murmured, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t do anything. Just stared.
My throat was tight as I gently took her from her car seat and settled her on my hip. With her on one side and her backpack on the other, I took her in. She rested her head on my shoulder, her fingers toying with my collar.
Yanking the door open, kids laughing and playing greeted me first. Iris glanced over her shoulder, doing a double take when she saw me. She crouched and told one of the kids something before making her way toward me.
“Elliot, hi,” she said, smiling brightly. She gave Emma a worried look, but kept that kind smile on her face. “How’s Emma this morning?”
She was a short woman, not much younger than me, with dark hair and deep skin. She was pretty, and one of the sweetest people I’d ever met.
“A bit tired,” I said softly. “She had a rough morning.” Iris nodded sympathetically.
“Of course.” She waved her hand behind her toward the nap room. “If she wants to sleep a bit longer, you can put her in there.” Emma lifted her head at the wordsleepand looked around. “Or if she wants to play, you can take her to the playroom.” She rested her hand on Emma’s back, her thumb stroking back and forth.
“What do you wanna do, Em?” I asked. She barely lifted her arm to point toward the playroom.
Yeah, this was definitely worse than her throwing a fit.
“We missed you yesterday,” Iris said as she walked beside us.
“My sister-in-law is in town and she wanted to see Em,” I lied. Okay, it wasn’t a total lie, but it still felt like Iris could feel that it wasn’t the full truth. But she just nodded and didn’t pry.
Stepping into the room, I hung Emma’s backpack on the little hook by the door and crouched to set her down. Her hand tightened on my collar, refusing to let me go. I closed my eyes, hating myself as I pulled her hand off me.
That’s when the crying began again.
Iris went into crisis mode, crouching next to Emma and murmuring soft, reassuring words to her. Emma wasn’t listening. We all knew it. But Iris kept murmuring.
All the kids had stopped playing and stared at us. If you ever want to feel judged, just stand in a room full of children and let them stare at you like you’ve done something wrong.
Emma grabbed me again, her razor-sharp little nails digging into my arm. I winced as I rested my hand over hers, hating the way she relaxed.
“You gotta let me go, Em,” I said softly, removing her hand. She tried to grab me again, but I held onto her wrist, forcing her to stay still. “I’ll pick you up in a few hours.”
It was eight hours, not a few, but she couldn’t tell time.
“We’ll go see Auntie Rae again,” I said soothingly. “And Grammy.” Tears continued streaming down her face, and I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.
“Go on,” Iris murmured. “I’ve got her.”
I hesitated.
Emma’s face was still red, her eyes swollen, her nose raw. I couldn’t just leave her like this, could I? But I didn’t have a choice.
I stepped away until I stood in the doorway of the playroom. Only a few steps until I reached the front door. Emma barely listened as Iris tried to calm her down. Her eyes were on me, betrayal burning bright.
I hated myself for every step I took toward the door.
5
elliot
