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"Needed to bring the burgers in," I said, waving my hand toward the tray. She leaned against the wall, a beer in her hand as she watched me.
"Sure," she said, nodding. She took a long sip, her gaze tracking me It felt like I was under a microscope. Like I needed to hide. She was stripping me bare in my own fucking kitchen. "It had nothing to do with wanting to get away from Rae and Benji?"
My spine snapped straight. "Why would it?" I asked too quickly. She smirked like she won. "Rae's a grown woman, she can do what she wants." Every word was a lie.
"Sure," she said again. She stayed casually leaning against the wall, but instead of looking relaxed, she looked like a lion circling its prey. "You know she's miserable, right? She doesn't want him here."
"Then why'd she invite him?" I snapped, then took a deep breath. "I don't care. She can invite anyone—"
"She wants you, you idiot," she said. My mouth stayed open, but nothing came out. "She won't make the first move." I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, and she shrugged as she took another pull of her beer.
"Because I want to see my best friend happy," she muttered. "If anyone deserves it, it's her."
"And you don't think Benji makes her happy?" she asked. I folded my arms over my chest.
"No," she deadpanned. "And neither do you."
"Benji's a good kid," I said, and she let out a humorless laugh.
"She needs a man, not a kid."
I blinked at her. Shifting my weight, I cleared my throat, feeling uncomfortable having this conversation with Rae's best friend.
"She needs someone—someone—" I cut myself off. I didn't know what she needed.
"She needs you," she murmured. "She hasn't been this happy in a long fucking time." I shook my head, trying to ignore the words. "I've never seen someone so made to be a mother. To be a partner. To be a homemaker and—"
"Stop," I breathed, squeezing my eyes shut. "She's my wife's sister." Lily stayed silent long enough for me to think she left. But when I opened my eyes, there she was, staring at me with a piercing blue gaze.
"I'll tell you what I told her," she said, pushing off the wall. "You're not a bad person for wanting to be with her."
I stared at her for a long moment, letting the words sink in.
I'm not a bad person for wanting Reagan.
I felt like it, though. Like I was betraying Meredith. But she was the one who'd betrayed me first. She was the one who threw our marriage away, who threw me away. And I think I'd finally found someone who actually...liked me. Cared about me. Cared about Emma.
Reagan was everything I wanted. She was everything I needed.
But it was more than that. I didn't just want her for what she could do for me or Emma. I wanted her for her. I wanted her because I cared about her. Because everything she did made me fucking swoon.
Because she was perfect.
Lily grinned like she saw every piece of my heart and mind fall into place. She gave me a subtle nod before turning and sashaying back through the house. The faraway sounds of the party hit me as she opened the door, then silence.
I felt lighter as I grabbed a water from the fridge and headed back to the party. I no longer felt as ready to kill Benji when I saw him with his hand on Reagan. My smile felt real, and my happiness was genuine.
Reagan, in my head and my heart, was mine.
20
reagan
"Thanks for inviting me,"Benji said, smiling down at me. The faint sunset shone on his face, illuminating his bright eyes and smile, making my stomach churn.
"Of course." I squeezed his hand. I just wanted to go inside. The party was over, and Benji was the last to leave.
