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"Elliot," she breathed, taking a step toward me.
"Wait," I said, shaking my head again. "This isn't about me. It doesn't matter how I was feeling, I still shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said anything—I should've just been happy for you."
"But I shouldn't have sprung it on you the way I did," she said softly. "You were right, I should've talked to you about it instead of making the decision on my own." I blinked at her.
"You didn't do anything wrong," I said, and she smiled sadly.
"We're both at fault," she said.
"I'm sorry, Reagan." I took a deep breath, mustering up any courage I had left in my body. "I wanted to go to you. I knew you were at Lily's—I knew even before I went to the diner looking for you. But I was scared to go there. I was scared you'd turn me away. It's what I deserve, and I know that, but—" My hands shook as I stared at her. "But I love you, Reagan. I'm in love with you. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and if I have to share you with Lotus, share you with the world, then so be it. I'll be here when you get back. I'll always be here when you get back." Tears filled her eyes as she stared at me. I took a hesitant step forward. "I don't want to cage you. I don't want to hold you back, or make you live a life you hate. I want you to see and do everything you've ever dreamed of, and when you're done with your adventure, you can come home to me and rest while you plan your next one. I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here forever, and even if you say you hate me and that you never want to see me again, know that wherever I am will always be your home."
Her chin trembled as she stared up at me, her hands twisting together in front of her.
"You might not mean that when I tell you what I came here to say," she whispered. My brows pushed together in confusion. I wanted to reach for her. I wanted to pull her into a tight hug, to hold her forever. But I just stared. I waited. "Eli, I'm pregnant."
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The words hungthick in the air. I waited for him to say something, to say anything, but he just stared at me, his mouth slightly parted.
Fear and anxiety swirled in my stomach. Was he taking back everything he just said? Trying to find a way to tell me to leave and never contact him again? Was he going to tell me to get rid of it? Or that he'd send me a monthly child support check.
With every silent second that passed, more and more unease overtook me.
"You're pregnant," he croaked, his voice strangled. "Pregnant." I gave him a tight, wobbly smile as I nodded. "You're sure?"
"I took four tests," I muttered, reaching for my purse. I rummaged through it, but it was mostly for show. I knew exactly where the tests were. My hands trembled as I pulled the tests out, holding them tightly as I held them between us.
He stared at the small stack in my fist, his eyes just as wide and face still as shocked. Maybe more. Hesitantly, he took them from my hands and slowly inspected each one.
"You're pregnant," he said again. "Holy shit."
He paced as he stared down at the tests, his hands trembling almost as much as mine.
"Sorry," I whispered, and he abruptly stopped.
"You're sorry?" he asked, his dark brows bunched. "Why would you ever be sorry?"
"I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that, and—and I should've been more careful. I should've gotten on birth control, or at least remembered to take Plan B. But—" My words cut off as he crashed his lips to mine.
"I love you," he said against my lips. "I love you so fucking much, and I love this baby." He rested his hand over my stomach.
"You're not upset?" I whispered, and he pulled away to stare at me.
"How could I be upset?" He searched my eyes, and I clutched his shirt tightly. "You're—I can't believe you're pregnant." He let out a low laugh, his eyes brightening. "Are you happy? Do you want this?" His smile fell and the light in his eyes guttered. "What about Lotus? And traveling? And—"
"I don't want to go," I blurted. "I didn't want to go even before Lorelai called to offer me the job. I think I stopped wanting to really go before we even talked about it the first time. But I was scared to do something different. Lotus is familiar. It's what I'm used to. It was the safe choice, but you—you're a risk."
He opened his mouth, then closed it, looking unsure of what to say.
"I want to be with you," I said. "You said my home is wherever you are, but that's not true. Not really. Because you're my home, Eli. You are. Not the house you live in. You. And, if you still want me," I rested my hand on my stomach, "want us. I'd like to stay."
I couldn't decipher his expression. I knew he was happy, or he seemed like he was moments ago. But now, with him just staring at me like that, not saying anything, I was starting to doubt myself.
"You're not just choosing me because of the baby, are you?" he asked quietly.
"What?" Of all the things I'd expected him to say, that had never been one of them.
