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I’d made a dumb choice a little over four years ago to take the fast track to be independent. I joined the military, and wanting something that challenged me and got my blood pumping, I signed up for the Army’s infantry division.
Worst fucking mistake of my life. It had changed me in all the wrong ways, and I’d lost so much.
Too damn much.
I didn’t know how to be around people anymore. I freaked my mom out one too many times after coming home after waking up from flashbacks and lashing out at her, and she told me I had to get out. She didn’t ask if I was okay. She didn’t try to figure out a way to help me. I was impeding upon her day-to-day life, and it was bothering her.
Yet, despite my numerous warnings to her in my letters—that I wasn’t the same eighteen-year-old boy who left—she begged me to come home and spend time with her before trying to figure out my next step.
She lasted two weeks. Exactly two weeks on the dot. And thankfully, I was already in training with the Sizzle Beach Fire Department to become a lifeguard. I hadn’t been able to sit still for long—the silence was too much. It was too quiet for my overactive head. The screams. The terror. The deaths.
So, I found a home for sale in Sizzle, put a down payment on it, and moved in as fast as I could. I completed my training and did my best to bury myself in work.
Today, my real job began as a lifeguard, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. I thought it would be all fun and games until I realized how quiet it was most of the time. And I wasn’t sure how my brain was going to handle that.
Guessed I was going to find out, though.
But too much silence could be…dangerous.
The tile flooring beneath my feet sent shivers up my spine as I got out of bed. It was hot outside—already nearing ninety this morning and it wasn’t even ten yet—but my air conditioning was keeping my house a cold sixty-eight degrees.
I didn’t do well in hot temps. It was too close of a reminder of the desert and all of the horrors I endured there. But the lifeguard stands had fans and helped keep me cool so my anxiety would remain at bay.
I blew out a soft breath as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to relax my tense muscles. I looked tired, but hell, I always did these days. And I looked older than just twenty-two. PTSD and the flashbacks that accompanied it kept me awake most nights. I was always lucky to get even just two hours of sleep. But I was used to it, had learned to function on that small amount.
Get your head in the game, Harlow, I reprimanded myself.You don’t have time for self-pity.
Shaking my head, I snatched up my toothbrush. Time to get my shit together. If not for my sake, then I needed to get it together for Carl…the one who hadn’t been able to make it home.
* * *
I blinked.And then, I blinked again. Because there was no goddamn way Xavier fucking Rawlins was walking toward me. Toward the goddamn lifeguard stand I was getting ready to get into.
I’d honestly thought Mr. Hotshot would’ve gone to some big, fancy college and worked in some big, fancy office wearing a suit and tie. Thought he would’ve married some hot woman who spent her mornings at yoga and had coffee dates with her gossiping little rich friends.
He frowned at me as he drew closer, his eyes narrowed on my face like he was trying to figure something out—probably wondering where he knew me from. Doubted a closeted asshole like Xavier remembered the guy he bullied. Bullies hardly ever remembered those they lashed out at.
His mouth dropped open, and his steps stuttered as he drew closer. “Holy shit—Harlow Bishop?”
I grunted. So hedidremember me. I was a bit shocked. “That’d be me.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? What are you doing here?” he asked with a bit of bite to his words.
I rolled my eyes. Xavier sure as fuck hadn’t grown up, and he hadn’t changed either. He was still the same douchebag guy he was in high school. I couldn’t say I was all that fucking surprised, really. Guys who were bullies rarely ever matured enough to change their ways.
“Working,” I bit out. I climbed into the lifeguard station without another word. Because Ihadchanged. Life had changed me.Deathchanged me. I wasn’t the same stupid, young kid I was in high school. I didn’t have the energy to give Xavier back as good as he gave me. I didn’twantto.
“I can’t fucking believe they paired us together. This is bullshit,” he growled, climbing in behind me and dropping into one of the other chairs. “I’ll be talking to the chief about this.”
I shrugged, not caring either way. I was just here to do my job and go the hell home. Being in the military quickly taught me that who I liked and who I didn’t like didn’t damn matter. All that mattered was protecting the men around me.
“You do that, Xavier.”
He glared at me, obviously wanting a reaction, but he wasn’t getting one. I just wanted to make it through this day, go home, and try to get through the rest of the evening and night.
The nights were always the worst.
* * *
