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Xavier
Iwasn’t sure how to handle what just happened. On one hand, my dick was hard just remembering Harlow’s hand around my throat. But my mind was warning me that what just happened was dangerous, and it wasn’t sexual in any way.
What had happened to Harlow after high school?
“Do you have something I can make dinner with?” I blurted. I didn’t know why I was suddenly asking about dinner of all fucking things, but I needed something that would occupy my hands and my mind, or I was going to start pressing for answers before Harlow was ready to talk. And I knew after that episode, I needed to tread carefully.
Harlow nodded and waved his hand in the direction of his kitchen as he took a seat on the couch, looking tired and worn down. “Yeah. There’s plenty. Just, uh, find something.”
I nodded and walked into his kitchen, rummaging around in his freezer. I found a bag of frozen shrimp. Dumping those into a pot and putting them on to boil after adding some Zatarain’s, I rummaged around in his pantry, coming up with a jar of Alfredo sauce and a box of spaghetti noodles.
It would do. Wasn’t five-star gourmet by any means, but it was enough for dinner.
I put the noodles on to boil, and then scraped the Alfredo sauce into a large mixing bowl, adding some salt, pepper, a pinch of garlic, and a little bit of crushed red pepper. I could feel Harlow’s eyes on me as I mixed it, but I did my best to ignore his stare.
In high school, my mom had remarried a jackass. My dad was a piece of shit, and my stepdad wasn’t much better. It’d left me spiraling, unsure of how to take out my aggression, which was one of the reasons I’d bullied Harlow. It made me feel like I had some kind of power in my life again after the little bit of happiness and freedom I’d found after my mom’s divorce had been ripped right from my hands by her new husband.
And then when I figured out I was gay… Well, Harlow was the perfect outlet for that, too. Because I didn’t know how to come out to anyone. I remained closeted.
So, I didn’t actually expect him to open up to me. Not after everything I’d put him through when we were teens. And I hadn’t exactly been a nice guy when our paths ended up crossing again.
In reality, he owed me nothing. Even though he’d choked me, he still didn’t owe me a damn thing.
Which was why I was surprised when he opened his mouth.
“I served in the military after high school,” Harlow suddenly spoke up when I was in the midst of draining the noodles. I glanced up at him for a moment before focusing back on what I was doing so I wouldn’t burn myself. “I went through some traumatic shit. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and PTSD—post-traumatic stress disorder,” he clarified. I knew what it was, but I let him talk, not interrupting him. “I can’t sleep most nights. And if I get woken up unexpectedly or something surprises me, I basically react how I did this afternoon when I was choking you.”
“So don’t do anything unexpected.” I nodded once, trying to lighten the mood a little. “Got it.”
Harlow chuckled and shook his head at me. There was still a darkness lingering in his gaze, but it wasn’t as deep as it had been when I first woke him up, which relieved me. “Why’d you come out here, Xavier?”
I swallowed thickly, keeping my gaze focused on mixing the noodles and sauce together. “I, uh…” I blew out a soft breath and turned to grab the pot of shrimp off the stove, draining those next. “I was worried?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. “Just didn’t seem like you to not come to work,” I muttered.
Harlow grunted. “I don’t like to miss work, no. But I barely slept last night, and I was exhausted. There was no way I could’ve helped someone today if they needed it.”
Silence fell between us. I made two bowls of food and set them on the table. Harlow joined me as I sat down. “What’ve you been up to?” Harlow randomly asked me. “After we graduated, I mean.”
I shrugged. “Was lost for a little. Didn’t know what I wanted to do. Then, I joined the fire department here. I had to get away from home.”
Harlow hummed. “Shit parents?”
I snorted. My mom used to be pretty decent, but she couldn’t stand being alone, and she had a bad habit of choosing asshole men. My father and my stepfather were proof of that. And in the end, she chose them over me. “That easy to tell?”
He smirked. “Most bullies have a rough home life and need something to ground them and make them feel in control. Signs were all there.”
I grimaced. Damn, I hadn’t realized I’d been so easy to figure out. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “I’m sorry about that, you know,” I said quietly, pushing a shrimp around in my bowl. “I, uh…” I cleared my throat. “That wasn’t the only reason though.”
Harlow set his fork down, intrigued now. “Oh? Do tell. I can’t wait to hear this.”
I snorted, my cheeks turning red. I hated that I blushed when I got uncomfortable or embarrassed. “Um, I was closeted,” I quietly confessed. “Gay. Didn’t know how to tell anyone, and I didn’t like that I was attracted to you.”
Harlow nudged my knee with his, and I finally tore my gaze away from my bowl of food to look up at him. He was smirking, but there was no surprise on his face. “I fucking knew it.” I arched a brow at him. He chuckled. “Xavier, if you weren’t attracted to me, you wouldn’t have been hard every fucking day you saw me getting changed in gym.” He winked at me. “Your secret has been out for a while—at least to me.”
I chuckled and relaxed a little. “Are we good?” I asked. “I know that’s asking a lot, but—”
Harlow nudged my knee again, and this time, my heart skipped a beat in my chest. “We’re good, Xavier.”
7
