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I needed some alone time with him.
If I was being honest with myself, what I needed from him was a long hug and some reassurance. But I didn’t want to have to admit that. I just wanted to crawl onto the couch and cuddle for hours.
Had falling in love suddenly turned me into a giant insecure baby?
Apparently, yes.
Jeremiah and Dad shuffled the last filing cabinet into the corner when Jeremiah noticed me. He stopped and came straight over. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled. “I just wanna go home.”
He frowned and went to put his hand to my face but stopped himself.
I didn’t want him to stop himself.
But with my dad and brother in the room, I shouldn’t have been surprised. I tried to not let it bother me, but it did.
“Okay, we’ll go,” he said. “You sure you’re okay?”
I didn’t answer. I turned to Dad. “We have to go. See yas tomorrow when we’re back to do it all over again.”
Dad stretched his back. “Yeah, we’re all done for today too. Pretty sure I have some beers in the fridge that need drinking before they get hot.”
I pulled on Jeremiah’s shirt, tugging him toward the door. “Another time, Dad, but thanks. I’ll see yas all again bright and early tomorrow.”
If they noticed my mood—and I’m sure they did—they never said anything. I wouldn’t have known what to tell them anyway. I just needed to leave.
“I’ll follow you,” Jeremiah said, going straight to the Jeep.
I tried to get myself together on the short drive home, but this feeling, this uneasy, frustrated feeling wasn’t going away.
I pulled into my garage and went inside, seeing the storm clouds rolling in again across the horizon. It was almost five o’clock, and I was ready for this whole day to be over. The box squawked, so I opened it up and took out the bird. He squawked some more and I fed him the small balls of minced meat my mother had made.
At least he made me smile.
Jeremiah came in, put his keys and stuff on the kitchen bench, and gave the bird a gentle stroke. “He’s a little fighter.”
“We’ll need to get him a proper cage,” I said quietly.
Jeremiah looked at the top of my head and straightened out an errant strand of hair. He smiled as he thumbed my jaw. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
I frowned. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel...” I shrugged my shoulders and tried to shake off the funk I was in. “I don’t know how I feel. Like I need you to hug me. And it’s weird, because I’ve never needed that before. I feel... deconstructed. I dunno. And then you mentioned that you might be leaving. Why did you say that? Jesus, Jeremiah, I just found you!”
He took the bird and put it back in the box, then pulled me against him. He wrapped his arms around me, pushed me against the cabinet, and held me so damn tight.
God, he felt so good it made me want to cry.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I mumbled.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” he whispered. “Nothing at all.”
I fisted his shirt at the back, and with my face in his neck, I breathed him in, like I could somehow absorb his strength that way. God, this was ridiculous.
“Wanna lie down on the couch?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
I felt like a child. God, I was acting like one.
